November 24, 1999
COMMENTARY:
The discipline of thankfulness
___By Dale Hanson Bourke
___In this often-cynical world, it is easy to imagine that thankful people are naive. Those who seem perpetually grateful must be living in denial about the world around them. And yet a recent experiment taught me gratefulness is more a discipline than an emotion, more a savvy way to live than a simplistic response.
___I was reading a new devotional book that advised spending the first moments of every day in praise and thankfulness. It wasn't a new idea, but it was a habit I had long ago traded for rushing into the day with a "to do" list and a gulp of coffee. The first minutes of my day were rarely contemplative.
___The book challenged me to spend a full five minutes thanking God for the people and circumstances in my life. It seemed simple compared to all the other expectations of my life. No problem, I thought.
___The first morning, I rose and found a quiet corner. As I sipped a cup of coffee, I mentally listed all the reasons I should be thankful--family, friends, health, job. I looked at the clock and discovered less than a minute had gone by.
___I took a deep breath and tried to think bigger--freedom, safety, availability of food and water.
___What else? I asked myself frantically. Surely I could find a way to fill up another minute or two.
___The next morning, I pulled out a notebook and tried to linger over each person as I wrote down all my reasons to be thankful. I filled a page, then another. But I still fell short of the five minutes I was determined to fill.
___I went back to the book and read more about thankfulness. The author suggested including all the irritations in life, the people who frustrated and the situations that caused one's stomach to knot and churn. He advised finding something to be thankful about in each of these circumstances.
___Armed with new material, I tried again. It wasn't hard to come up with a nice long list of irritations, from the neighbor who filled his recycling bin under our window after midnight to the woman at school who seemed to drip sweetness as she skewered people with her words.
___I could find plenty of situations, but the challenge to be thankful was daunting. Finally, I simply prayed to see something good about each person and situation.
___The next morning, I concentrated on my neighbor. He's a nice guy with a life full of young children, a demanding job and a home needing constant maintenance. As neighbors go, he isn't that bad. I thought of a friend who was at war with her neighbors over a tree straddling their lot line and the bitter words exchanged between them.
___ Finally, I thanked God that the guy who woke us up dumping his garbage wasn't doing it on purpose and was a decent fellow whose words were always kind. When I saw him later that day, I waved to him with new appreciation.
___I moved on to the other issues and tackled them one by one. Surprisingly, I found something to be thankful about in every one of the situations. And as new problems arose, I would note them on my list and turn them over in my mind looking for the good instead of the bad.
___I began to feel less tense about situations that had frustrated me for months. I began to actually like some of the people who had irritated me. My time for thankfulness easily filled five minutes each morning.
___After a few weeks of this thankfulness workout, I began to feel like a new woman. I was actually developing gratefulness muscles. It was becoming almost easy for me to look for the good in situations.
___I confess I sometimes slip off the wagon and fail to start my day being thankful. But I have learned that I pay the price when I do. After a day or two, I become more irritable and critical. I waste time complaining instead of contemplating.
___I used to think people who were perpetually thankful were naive. Now I know they may be the savviest folks around.
___Dale Hanson Bourke is publisher of Religion News Service
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