January 20, 1999
FAMILY MATTERS:
How can I help my child handle separation?
___ I have surgery scheduled for next month, and my child is very apprehensive about it. We have made arrangements for my mother to come and stay with him because my husband is stationed in Korea. I know he will be taken care of, but how do I help him feel safe and secure while I'm away?
___Your child's reaction is normal. Even adults have some uneasiness about surgery. Your child's anticipation of separation from you is one that creates apprehension. The fact your husband is in Korea adds to the separation issue. The feeling that both parents are away makes a child feel uncertainty and a sense of insecurity.
___Spend time talking about your hospitalization. Let him know the expected duration of your hospital stay. Allowhim to express his concerns and questions. Answer his questions as honestly and openly as you can. Assure him that his concerns are important to you. Tell him that although you and his dad both will be away, it is only temporary and his grandmother will see that he is OK.
Kay Towers
Preschool Consultant
Killeen
___If possible, have his grandmother come a few days before you go to the hospital, so the transition time can be shared together. Reassure him of your love for him and that you know his grandmother will enjoy having a special time with him. Plan some activities for them to do together when you are in the hospital. Encourage him to make cards or notes to send or bring to you in the hospital.
___Let him go with you to the next doctor's visit and meet the doctor. Take him to the hospital and let him see where you will be. This makes it a real place.
___Assure him that he will be able to talk to you on the phone. If children can visit the hospital, let him know that he will be able to come and see you.
___As you talk, tell him you will be praying for him and that he can pray for you. Remind him that God loves him and is always near. God helps us through such times.
___Share some Bible verses: 2 Timothy 1:7, "God did not give us a spirit that makes us afraid, but a spirit of power and love and self-control." Hebrews 13:6a, "I will not be afraid, because the Lord is my helper." Psalm 29:11, "The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace."
___Let him know that at times in the past when you have been afraid God has helped you and will help you both during this upcoming time of separation.
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