January 6, 1999
FAMILY MATTERS:
Teach godly principles from a generous heart
___My elderly parents always have been overly generous to my family, especially my children. My mother died, and my father has continued to give at the same level. I am worried he is spending too much, and I feel my children are beginning to have a materialistic spirit because of his gifts. How can I tell my father to stop giving so much?
___All giving styles are acceptable when everyone involved agrees on the rules and is not forced to spend more or less than they desire. Some gifts are inappropriate, no matter what the cost. These gifts are based on poor motives, such as gifts that exceed a person's ability to pay; gifts given to place undue influence over someone; gifts given to purchase love; or gifts between inappropriate individuals, such as a married man and an unmarried woman.
___Assumingthe gifts your father is giving are none of the above, you need to judge what motivates your father in his giving. Is he a generous spirit? Is he continuing the tradition he and your mother set? Is he getting joy out of choosing and giving the gifts to you and your children? If the answer to any or all of these questions is yes, then the problem is not with him but you.
SANDY ABERNATHY
Director, Buckner
ElderCare Services
___A generous spirit is a gift from God that should be received and honored.
___If your father gives your children too much, don't reject his gift. Teach your children to respect and love the giver. Teach them the godly principles of giving.
___If your father gives your children $100 and you think it is too much, teach your children how to handle money. Teach them stewardship and to give the first 10 percent of all gifts back to God, who is the originator of all good things.
___Help them set a personal habit of saving 50 percent of all gifts and extra money.
___This teaches delayed gratification and the art of saving. If it is a small gift, then save for a special toy or bike. If it is a large gift, then save for a car or college. Your children will receive satisfaction when they purchase something for which they saved.
___This is a spiritual principle as much as a life lesson.
___Our Father in heaven gave generously when he gave his Son. Our Lord Jesus gave the ultimate gift when he sacrificed his life for our salvation. We should not hoard this precious gift.
___It is better to give than to receive. Allow the gift from your father to be the instrument of God's will in teaching your children God's principles.
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