 March 31, 1999
'Wounded Heroes' tell
of struggles to regain worth
___By Toby Druin
___Editor Emeritus
___RIDGECREST, N.C.--The kinds of hurts treated at Wounded Heroes retreats aren't visible to the casual observer. A bruised spirit, wounded pride, crushed ambition or broken heart don't show on the outside, but the pain they bring is no less real than that of a physical injury.
___"As a pastor, I feel of little worth," said one young man forced from his pulpit.
___"My experiences have made me feel small and inadequate," said another who is now on a forced leave of absence from his church.
___"Sunday night my 15-year-old daughter, stung by what she is hearing said about her father, stood in the doorway of the church and said she didn't want her daddy to be a full-time pastor anymore," said a mother and wife of the pastor.
___"Last year was one of the worst years of my life," said a young pastor's wife. "We felt God's call, but my husband has been fired from two churches, and my family is opposed to what we are doing."
___"Our church is growing; we had 100 additions last year, but one old deacon decided it was time for us to go," said another young pastor.
___More than 100 people--47 couples and six singles-- brought those kinds of feelings to the fourth and largest of Freddie Gage's Wounded Heroes Retreats. LifeWay Christian Resources was host to the five-day event at Ridgecrest Conference Center, providing free meals and lodging for 30 of the couples.
___Another is tentatively scheduled for Ridgecrest in the spring, said Gage, and others will be held as funds are raised to underwrite them. Gage provides free transportation, meals, lodging and counseling help to participants. The average cost is $52,000 per retreat. "We already have almost 200 couples on the waiting list," he said.
___Gage, a widely known Southern Baptist evangelist who has battled depression for years, began the retreats in 1998 to offer help to a swelling tide of ministers, evangelists and missionaries and their spouses who for various reasons are experiencing crises in their ministries. In many cases burnout and/or depression has resulted. Many participants come from among more than 1,200 Southern Baptist ministers forcibly terminated each year.
___"We want them to receive help, hope and healing while they are here," said Stuart Rothberg, teaching pastor at Sagemont Baptist Church in Houston and one of the facilitators for the retreats.
___To accomplish that, participants are given group and individual counseling from psychiatrists, psychologists and psychotherapists. They participate in structured group activities that give them a fresh look at their lives and problems and those of others at the retreat. And they take a fresh look at their call to and motivation for ministry and their relationship to their spouses and to Jesus Christ.
___They also hear from "encouragers"--ministers and others and often their spouses --many of whom have gone through various challenges in their lives and ministries and have overcome difficulties.
___Those attending the retreat were led in examining many areas, including the causes of stress in ministry, effective listening and communications skills, and the dynamics of church problems.
___They revisited their calls to ministry, specifically if they had interpreted the call too narrowly in taking on the role of senior pastor. They learned pastors who have the gift of leadership tend to have the best experience as pastors and the lowest levels of stress, but according to Barna Research Group, only 6 percent of pastors interviewed feel they have the gift of leadership. Operating outside of "God's gifting" on a prolonged basis, they learned, "leads to frustration, hurt and stress."
___They were encouraged to ask themselves and others if the ministry was causing the problems in their lives or merely revealing the problems.
___In one group session, they compared their lives with what they expected when they entered the ministry.
___Several said they expected their lives to be "easier, free to minister," "to still be a person and able to speak freely instead of the role player I have been forced to become" and "normal, able to minister and see something
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"...then Job was visited by his three deacons--er, I mean three friends."
| happen, not placed on a pedestal."
___Instead, they said, they now feel "empty, we have no friends," "angry, sad, out of control; life is chaotic," and "lonely, although we are in a great church with great people, none of them are real friends."
___Many of the participants indicated they were suffering from depression.
___"Depression is the common cold of emotional disorders," said Polly Cooper Brown, staff spychologist at First Baptist Church in Dallas and director of the Wounded Heroes counseling program.
___"Everybody gets depressed; some of us get over it. If you are never depressed, you might have a cognitive disfunction or be on drugs."
___But genuine depression is more than just being sad, she said, "Depression is a dark cloud that hangs over you ... and prevents you from being the person you want to be. Depression is a sense of carrying the weight of the world."
___Depression, she said, is caused by many factors:
___* Life circumstances, such as experienced by those at the retreat. "You ought to be depressed by these adverse circumstances. It is realistic to be depressed for a period of time, but there is something wrong with staying depressed. If there are other issues, you need to get help."
___* Wrong thinking, "telling yourself things that aren't true about your self, your circumstances, your future and your personal value."
___* Bio-chemical or physiological factors "which, if out of balance, may produce depression."
___Depression, Cooper said, is characterized by a general lack of interest in life, a feeling of being "dull," low energy level, deriving no pleasure from things usually pleasurable, loss of meaning or purpose, sleep disturbances and sexual extremes.
___Deciding to get professional help with depression, she said, depends on the intensity of the episode--whether it is interfering with life--and its duration, whether or not progress is being made after a period of time.
___"If it lasts as much as two weeks to a month, seek help," she said.
___A person seeking help for depression should first talk to his or her physician who could detect a chemical imbalance or control symptoms long enough to address other problems. If a need for counseling is indicated, she said, "Don't be afraid to go to more than one."
___Participants in the retreat went home to the same problems they had left, but with a new attitude.
___"My wife and I came to Wounded Heroes looking for the same thing--hope," said a Tennessee pastor. "I am happy to say we found that for which we sought. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say we were found by hope."
___One couple, whose son recently had committed suicide, said, "Neither of us felt we had a future, but with the help of Wounded Heroes, we felt we left with our burden lifted and with a renewed hope."
___A Florida pastor said he came to the retreat "totally discouraged, disappointed, depleted and dejected," and had begun to question both his conversion and call to ministry.
___"Now, I am happy to say, my wife and I have returned to the church we serve with renewed determination to continue in ministry regardless of the challenge or personal cost. We are committed to God and His call upon our lives. We could not have reached this decision apart from Wounded Heroes."
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