May 5, 1999
DOWN HOME:
Maybe we can learn from May TV sweeps
___If you've been within a couch-length of a television remote in the past week, you're oh-too-well aware that May is sweeps month.
___May is one of those times of the year when the lucky Nielson-ratings families get to record their TV viewing habits for your benefit and mine.
___Actually, the data gathered from all the Nielson families all across the nation determine how much the TVpeople can charge the advertising people--only some of whom make soap--for the privilege of washing your brain. This is very important.
MARV KNOX
Editor
___The reason we know it's very important is because the TV networks go all-out to try to get us to watch their shows this month. They do this by promising something we hardly ever expect: Brand-new shows.
___Rumor has it that TV shows are like fruitcake. There's really only one episode of any show, and it just keeps getting replayed. Over and over and over. And over.
___But sweeps month is a time to sweep that nasty rumor under the great American rug.
___"Tune in this month, and watch four ALL-NEW EPISODES of 'Blah-blah-blah'!" the announcer promises.
___The rest of the time, of course, reruns are fine for the viewing public at-large. The plots are just as predictable the fifth time around as they were when they premiered, so why bother to change, except to appease advertisers.
___Next week is Christian Family Emphasis Week. Baptist churches all across the nation will cancel committee meetings and what-not and encourage families to stay home and enjoy their evenings together.
___Maybe we should take a page from the TV sweeps. I think this could work.
___On Monday morning, the parents can announce to their children: "Stay home every night this week, when Mom will cook ALL-NEW DINNERS, a new meal every night! You won't want to miss a minute, when Dad will tell ALL-NEW JOKES! This week will make family history."
___(If you're a '90s kind of family and really want to shake things up, Dad can cook all-new dinners and Mom can sharpen up all-new jokes.)
___This trend could catch on. Imagine, if you will, a whole week without leftovers or fast food. What a novelty. Dream of a whole week without corny retread jokes, but new, interesting-- dare I say it, scintillating--discussion. What a miracle. This week could shape your family forever.
___It this works, we could try it at church. "Attend New Bethel this month!" the church sign could say. "Hear Pastor Jones deliver four ALL-NEW SERMONS!" The choir could promise to whip up a new anthem or two, but from what I hear, they might want to plug Golden-Oldies Month.
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