July 14, 1999
Family Matters: God helps
couples adapt to living apart
___For 54 years, I have been married to the most wonderful man. Last year, he fell, and his health never has been the same. Now, he must be moved into a nursing center. How do you find a good center? How can we handle separation?
___It is difficult for any couple to handle living apart. After 54 years, the separation can seem unbearable. Some steps can help ease your pain.
___If this move is permanent, make sure you find a good nursing center close to home. Good facilities are known by reputation. They have minimal smells, appear clean and the staff interacts with residents by name.
___Go to www.medicare.gov on the Internet or visit the library for help in researching centers.
Sandy Abernathy
Director, Buckner ElderCare Services
Dallas
___Your security also is important. Will you feel safe visiting the neighborhood? If it is a reputable retirement community, consider moving in as a couple.
___Otherwise, arrange a schedule to spend quality time with him. Understand that no one expects you, nor is it good for you, to spend every waking hour with him. You need to keep your friends, family and church relationships. He needs to take part in the therapy and activities planned for him in the center.
___Make friends with the nurses and aides working with your husband. Having a relationship with them helps create a family atmosphere, allowing you to feel more comfortable with his care, and it helps the staff feel more personally connected with your husband. All this helps to make your visits more rewarding.
___Store within yourself the peace only God can give. He offers this freely through prayer, reading the Bible, devotional time and fellowship with others who understand your situation. This is what you both need, so pray and read together. Don't allow your feelings of obligation to cause you to isolate yourself. Remain faithful in your church. It is in the Lord's presence that your cup is filled, and you can share this renewal with your husband. Then open your lives to those hurting around you. In the bed next to your husband, in the room down the hall are those without family, friends or God. Use the relationship God has given you, the renewal he offers, the love and support you get from your family and church to enrich the lives of all those that live in the center. Pain and fear can cause us all to become centered within ourselves, but it is through touching others that the pain and fear are relieved.
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