September 22, 1999
FAMILY MATTERS:
Help mother deal with dad's death
___I am concerned about my mother's eating habits. After my father's death last year, she has lost weight and doesn't even bother to cook any meals except when her family comes over for a visit. Is there anything I can do? I know she misses my dad terribly. They were married for 48 years.
___Your mother is experiencing the after-effects of a very dramatic event in her
life. Many authorities identify the death of a spouse as one of the top stress factors that can occur in a person's life.
MARY STEPHENS
Vice President
Buckner Retirement Services, Dallas
___One of the first things you can do is be sure she has no health problems that could contribute to weight loss. A physical exam could identify changes in her physical status.
___Prescribed drugs may cause a loss of appetite as well as a change in taste perception. Depression and anxiety also can be factors in weight loss. All of these reasons should be explored with her physician.
___A dental check up could provide insight into her ability to chew properly. As individuals age, problems with dentition lead to individuals choosing foods that are easy to chew but may not provide the variety necessary for health.
___You also should address your mother's social isolation. Her husband provided companionship. Eating by oneself can be a lonely event.
___Shopping and preparing foods for your father gave her a purpose. Also, since grocery shopping often is an important outing for retirees, your parents may have shopped together.
___It is not unusual that many senior adult women do not have driver's licenses. Transportation could be a problem in her ability to shop. So you might make it a family affair and take her with you as you shop.
___Recipes often are for four or more people. Many individuals who live alone often describe preparation and clean up for a meal as too much effort. Prepare extra servings when you cook, and freeze them for her. Invite her as often as you can to eat with your family.
___Offer to help her host a group of her friends from church for a dinner party. Perhaps providing transportation for the guests would allow them to have an evening out and not worry about driving.
___It often is difficult for widowed people to see themselves as individuals. Continue to speak of your father, but let your mother know that you value her as an individual, not just as part of a "couple."
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