October 2, 2000
FAMILY MATTERS:
All families need to fit in at church
___I am a single mom. My son is in RAs and came home crying because so many activities are to be done with dads. I don't feel like I fit in anymore either. What can we do?
___Your comments are all too familiar. When someone goes through a change of marital status, they can feel like a misfit among longtime friends. They may feel like a fifth-wheel in a couples' class and like an outsider in a singles' class.
MARY STEDHAM
Family Counselor
Abilene
___Because the church attempts to build "family" values, there is ongoing emphasis on families, and that is as it should be. But we must be sure people whose families do not fit the "traditional" mold feel just as welcome and as accepted as families made up of a mom, dad and children who belong to those two parents biologically.
___You have done something important by acknowledging your discomfort. Being willing to share your feelings will help to diminish any feelings of shame you may be battling. Even if you were not the one who sought the divorce, you may still feel embarrassed and even ashamed that your marriage did not survive.
___Jesus saw people who had feelings of failure, and he moved toward them. Rather than avoiding them, he included them, encouraged them, affirmed them.
___When others appear awkward or distant toward you, remember that those actions are not Christ-like. You do not have to feel ashamed or inferior. Neither, though, do you have to become judgmental yourself. Remember Paul's admission of how hard it was for him to do the things he wanted to do and how easy it was for him to slip into behaviors he did not really want in his life. Those who pull away may be wanting to do better than they are doing!
___See yourself through Christ's eyes and see others through his eyes also. Take your concerns before a few trusted friends within your fellowship. Talk to one of your ministers about your own experiences and those of your children and ask if there is anything you can do to make people more sensitive to the needs of families like your own.
___Our churches do their best ministering when someone presents a genuine need and the church responds by meeting that need in loving, supportive ways. Your willingness to ask for what you and your children need to help you through this time may ease the pain of many who will come after you.
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