October 23, 2000
DOWN HOME:
Mornings are OK when he obeys unspoken rules
___"How do I look?" I asked Joanna as she caromed into the kitchen for her first cup of coffee.
___This is a vulnerable moment in the morning, especially at the change of seasons, when I'm trying to remember what ties are supposed to go with what shirt/slacks combinations.
___Colors these days. Some mornings I wish I wore a uniform.
___So, I usually ensure that I will pass sartorial muster by asking my colorific wife ifeverything "goes." She's got a good eye.
MARV KNOX
Editor
___But not too early in the morning.
___"How'm I supposed to tell you how you look when I can't even see yet?" she replied.
___"Oh," I said.
___(Some marriage and family counselor should write a book called "The Value of 'Oh.'" Jo and I realized a long time ago the importance of saying, "Oh," when you think you're supposed to say something but you don't know what it is. Somebody says something ridiculous, but you don't want to start an argument? Someone cracks a totally inane joke? "Oh" works.)
___You'd think I would've learned my "How do I look?" lesson by now. Years ago, Jo taught me not to ask, "How're you doing?" until after she had that first cup of coffee.
___Turns out "How're you doing?" is an unfair question to tap onto someone whose neurons and synapses have not been slapped awake by a shower and caffeine. Silly me.
___The rules of morning etiquette have been a hard-learned but vital component of our marriage. See, I'm a morning person, and my sweet reason for waking in the morning is a night person. This is something people should talk about on their first date.
___But we didn't, and we entered wedded bliss on different solar orbits. It took me awhile to figure this out. In fact, the folks at NASA went from shooting monkeys into space to putting a man on the moon in less time than it took me to figure this out.
___Once I learned, however, our marriage improved dramatically. As long as I didn't nod off before the 10 p.m. news, anyway.
___When we had children, we thought we had this balanced out, with one morning child and a night child. Now that they're teenagers, I'm totally out-numbered. A morning teenager is an oxymoron of the first rank.
___So, in the mornings, I try not to ask too many stupid questions of my wife. "Can I pour you a cup of coffee?" is OK, but "What're you doing today?" is out of bounds. And I try not to let the girls, Lindsay and Molly, know I have a pulse and need to breathe periodically.
___This isn't really so bad. Lots of folks start the day with a quiet time with God. And I've found he doesn't mind if I talk before the sun comes up.
_
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