He said/ She said: Scream I & II

___A troubling question of parenting has begun haunting me lately. It goes something like this: If you find yourself yelling at your children all the time just to get their attention and make them behave, what will you do when they become oblivious to the yelling? MARK WINGFIELD ___ We have discussed before in this column how our children--like all children it seems--have highly selective hearing and can appear deaf to normal comments and directives from their parents. We know this is not a physiological problem, however, because these same children can hear the refrigerator door open across the house and can hear a basketball being dribbled on the sidewalk three houses away. ___ Some days, I get more response from comments made to the family dog than I do from comments made to our children. If I’m lucky, after repeating the same statement about three times, one of the boys will look up and say, "What did you say, Dad?" ___So I’ve unfortunately taken to speaking very loudly, in hopes of getting their attention earlier--although not with less effort. ___ This seems to work, especially in public places where you can make a fool of yourself and cause onlookers to wonder if you’re the one who’s hard of hearing. But desperate parents use any trick they can. ___ Sometimes I try to trick the boys by speaking very softly. This is based on the theory that if a parent or teacher whispers, it will force children to strain to listen and thereby get their attention. My extensive research on this topic finds this theory to be baloney, however. ___ So I’m back to loud. Trouble is, there’s only so much volume a parent can put into a voice without rupturing something internally. ___ Where do we go from here? Personally, I’m waiting on science to give us the first microchip parents can embed in their children’s heads to speak directly to them in a way that can’t be missed. ___ Then the kids will be the ones screaming. Mark Wingfield is managing editor of the Standard. Alison Wingfield is a freelance writer. The Wingfields moved to Texas from Louisville, Ky., where Mark had been editor of the Western Recorder, in which this column appeared weekly. ___How do you quietly keep two 8-year-old boys from killing each other? It’s not possible. To be heard over their volume, I have to raise my volume. ___ Other strategies, such as letting them work it ou ALISON WINGFIELD t on their own, inevitably lead to both of them getting hurt. Toddlers don’t have anything on these two. I had no idea the "use your words" phrase would have to be repeated ad nauseum up into middle elementary school. ___ The boys have definitely perfected the selective hearing ploy. Too bad I didn’t take them to obedience school with our new dog. In obedience school, owners learn to say the dog’s name and the command they want the dog to do only once. As our instructor said, "Your dog can’t make you say their name more than once." ___If you expect a response the first time, you will get it. Of course, having the dog on a leash, which you can tug on to get their attention, helps. ___ I wish I’d known that "say it once" trick when we started raising the kids. Then maybe I’d be able to get their attention quickly now. ___ Sometimes I feel like I’ve become the Wicked Witch of the West. I know, I know. My job is not to be a companion, but a parent. I just wish I didn’t always have to be the "bad guy." ___ Keeping my children on schedule stresses me out. And when they resist such things as doing their homework before playing after school, or picking up toys, or doing what they’ve been asked, my temper sometimes gets the best of me. ___ We have to ask ourselves, "Who’s the mature adult in this situation?" ___ When Paul gave the wise advice to parents not to exasperate their children, I wish he’d made it reciprocal. ___ But I guess exasperation is part of the package. God has to get exasperated with us as his children, but, being God, he offers us that wonderful grace, love and forgiveness in return--whether we’re listening or not.

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1999: 6/16, 6/23, 6/30, 7/14, 7/21, 7/28, 8/4, 8/11, 8/18, 8/25, 9/1, 9/8, 9/15, 9/29, 10/6, 10/13, 10/20, 10/27 11/17, 11/24, 12/1, 12/8, 12/15, 12/22,

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