December 11, 2000

EDITORIAL:
Blessed are those who grieve
___Time eventually introduces all of us to the inevitable. If you have experienced enough Christmases, you know someone for whom this month marks the advent of annual grief. Perhaps that person is you. Maybe it's someone you love.
___Look at the face of a child this season, and sadness, soul-draining sadness, seems incomprehensible. How could this time of year--filled with visions of the baby Jesus, singing angels, excited shepherds, "glad tidings of great joy" and, yes, Santa, reindeer, lighted trees, candy and brightly wrapped packages--possibly provoke irrepressible darkness? Yet for numberless people, many faithful Christians among them, the Christmas season is the gloomiest time of year.
___Of course, serious reasons prompt such grief. Any person who has suffered personal loss in the past year--particularly the death of a loved one, a divorce in the family or another life-altering disappointment--is likely to grieve because this Christmas will be marked by an absence not previously experienced. Some people suffered a loss years ago but still feel it most acutely at Christmas, perhaps because the gaiety of the season and the flood of happy memories contrast so sharply with the present void. Others feel out-of-step with the world at Christmas, especially when they cannot resonate with what they perceive to be the prevailing mood.
___If you experience peculiar torment at Christmas, please remember several facts:
___First, you are loved, and Christians are praying for you. Even brothers and sisters who do not know you by name are asking God to help you feel the blessings of the season. Many who have walked this lonely path before you are remembering to pray for those who sadly follow in this season.
___Second, you are not alone. Theologian/ historian Martin Marty called such feelings "winter spirituality," a sense more of God's absence than God's presence. Soren Kierkegaard called what you are experiencing the "dark night of the soul." Others have lived through it and seen the dawn of hope. And they remind us that, in any moment and any season, untold numbers of Christians experience this nethery world of sadness.
___Third, these feelings are not a sign of your wrongdoing or God's disfavor. Often, we seek answers for events and feelings, and when those answers are not forthcoming, we tend to blame ourselves. But grief--especially after inestimable loss--is a natural part of life. If nothing else, it reminds us of the spectacular blessing that was ours before the loss. And that hurts.
___Those of us on the other side of loss, who experience joy and gladness of this season, can minister to friends and loved ones whose experience is distress:
___ Some churches offer a bereavement service at Christmas, often on a Sunday afternoon. The service need not be elaborate, only honest. Sing hymns that acknowledge the depth of feelings and express hope in God's goodness. Read Scripture that describes these spiritual conditions. Talk honestly about grief and loss. And pray for God's loving and abiding presence to feel real in the lives of those who sense loss.
___ Appropriate inclusion in the special events of the season can be healing. Of course, we must be sensitive; undisciplined exuberance can deepen grief wounds. But gentle reminders of love at Christmas-- cards, carolers, boxes of homemade cookies and candies, a tape of the church's Christmas pageant or cantata--can shine rays of heavenly sunlight into dark lives.
___ The ministry of presence can be profound. Again, sensitivity to the needs and feelings of people who grieve is important. However, Christians too often neglect them because we don't know what to say, when the truth is we don't have to say much, if anything. "I love you," is powerful tonic. "I can't imagine what you're going through, but I care" is good medicine. And the best remedy of all may be simply to sit and listen or even share a few moments of silence.
___As we celebrate God's presence in Christ, let us endeavor to be God's presence for those who grieve this Christmas.
___ Marv Knox
E-mail the editor at marvknox@baptiststandard.com


Get printer-friendly version of this story


Send this story to a friend

---

Contents/ Masthead / Why We're Here / Links / Archive / E-mail us/ SUBSCRIBE!