He said/She said:
'Tis the season to be whiny
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___‘Tis the season to be whiny.
___ Something happened to our children about the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, and we knew the holiday kid jitters had arrived. I’ve accused their teachers of secretly giving all the kids holiday "attitude" injections.
___ The holiday season already has brought us unwanted gifts such as back-talking, ignoring everything a parent says, multiple attempted inflictions of physical injury on a brother and all sorts of other anti-social goodies.
___ You’d never know that Santa Claus is on his way--or that he’s making a list and checking it twice, gonna find out who’s naughty and nice.
___ And in typical kid fashion, the problems that result from this hyped-up behavior aren’t of their own making--they think. Most often, of course, it’s a parent’s fault.
___ Garrett came into the kitchen while I was working there the other night and launched a series of questions at me:
___ "May I have more computer time?"
___ "No."
___ "May I watch more TV?"
___ "No."
___ "May I have a friend over to play?"
___ "No."
___ "You won’t let me do anything!" he shouted as he stomped off to the other side of the house.
___ "Not true," I started to say, but too late.
___ What I wanted to go on to explain--had he not fled the scene and had I not been too tired to chase after him--was that he was looking at the problem backward. He saw only wrong answers, while I saw wrong questions.
___ "If you don’t like the answers you’re getting," I should have said, "then ask different questions."
___ And then it dawned on me that that’s good advice for grown-ups too. Sometimes we also get frustrated unnecessarily because we’re hammering away at the wrong questions.
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___If whining doesn’t work, then our kids switch to "Let’s-Make-a-Deal" mode. If the straightforward way doesn’t work, then they’ll scheme until the situation falls in their favor.
___ We have started a reward system for pract-icing piano this year.
They get a star if they start practice without fussing, and then another one if they have a good attitude while they are practicing. After so many stars, they get a reward (such as a piece of candy, something from a grab bag or special time with one of us). As the stars add up, the rewards get bigger.
___ The other day, Luke noticed that he was three away from 85 stars. So he worked a deal with his Dad that if he practiced 15 minutes on his own, and then had a full practice later with Dad, he could get three stars instead of two.
___ Then he immediately wanted to go to Target and buy something. I explained to him that while we were proud of him and wanted to keep our end of the bargain, this was not a good time of year to be buying toys, because Mom and Dad were buying Christmas presents and didn’t need to spend any more money.
___ Quick as a flash, Luke offered to use his own money, and then we could "pay him back."
___ We finally compromised and said we would get something in January.
___ Garrett worked his most recent deal around our annual peanut butter balls. Mark was busy dipping them in chocolate, and the boys had been pestering him as to when they would get to have one. Garrett decided to make a card thanking Daddy for making the peanut butter balls. Soon after, he and Luke were sitting down eating one of these sinful delights when Garrett whispered to Luke: "I got us these by giving Daddy a card."
___ If Luke and Garrett continue to hone their negotiation skills, we might be visiting them in the United Nations someday. Let’s hope they are on our side.
Mark Wingfield is managing editor of the Standard. Alison Wingfield is a freelance writer. The Wingfields moved to Texas from Louisville, Ky., where Mark had been editor of the Western Recorder, in which this column appeared weekly.
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