FAMILY MATTERS:
Returning siblings change family focus
___My brothers come home for Christmas vacation, and all they do is fight. They fight with each other and with my parents. It always ruins the spirit of Christmas at my house. What can I do?
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DEBBIE CHISOLM
Minister to Students
Royal Lane Baptist Church, Dallas
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___It seems like everything that is alive usually is in a state of transition. Relationships, careers, neighborhoods and even our bodies constantly are changing and becoming something new.
___Families are like that too. If you have brothers in college, then your family has gone through some major transitions during the past several years. The family you know, without your brothers, probably looks and sounds and feels a lot different than it did when your brothers lived at home. Your relationship with your parents probably has been affected. With your brothers at school, their parenting style has more than likely changed. Your relationship with your brothers is different and theirs with you and with each other has evolved in many ways. Naturally, when you attempt to recreate a family that no longer exists in your day-to-day world, there could be some problems.
___What can you do about it?
___Well, if you were the parent instead of the sibling, you could create an opportunity for everyone to talk about the changes that have occurred. Coming home from a college setting and lifestyle into a family setting and perhaps household rules that have not been missed while away is just as difficult for those returning as it is for those at home. Having a chance to talk about what everyone is feeling can be very helpful.
___Although you're not the parent, there still are some things you could do.
___Try to remember that it's just as uncomfortable for them as it is for you. Be patient and forgiving. Whenever possible, stay out of the fight. Don't side with one or the other. Leave the room if you have to, and keep your opinions to yourself.
___Many things can destroy the spirit of Christmas. Protect it by spending quiet moments with the Lord. The more time you spend in the Lord's presence, the more the spirit of Christmas will reside in your heart, even in the midst of Christmas chaos.
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The Baptist Standard
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