January 12, 2000
FAMILY MATTERS:
Widower should
discuss dating with son
___My wife of 41 years died two years ago. I have met a lady who attends the same church as my son and his family. She invited me to attend with her, and I thought it would be grand to surprise my son. When we went up to him before the service began, he seemed uncomfortable. I loved his mother and am afraid he thinks I shouldn't be seeing another woman. What should I do?
___ Talk to your son! Find out if he was just surprised or if he has difficulty with the concept of seeing his father with someone other than his mother.
___Although you may think he does not want you to see another woman, he may have been surprised and did not know how to react. And, yes, he may be unprepared to acknowledge that you would "keep company" with someone.
MARY STEPHENS
Vice President
Buckner Retirement Services, Dallas
___There are no rules about when it is acceptable to begin to see another person after the death of a spouse. Although people often wait until they have been through the stages of grief, there is no timetable.
___When our father remarried after the death of our mother, my sister and I were happy he had found someone with whom to share his life. But my brother felt Dad moved on to another relationship too quickly. After he saw how content Dad was and began to understand that Dad was not "replacing" Mother, my brother began to appreciate Dad's wife.
___We were able to have some wonderful times together at family gatherings. We even talked and laughed about things in which Mother was so greatly involved. Dad and his wife never expressed discomfort during those times.
___Your son is in an awkward position, though. Remember the times your son was dating? There may have been times you felt the need to let your son know something you knew about the young lady he might not know. Be open to hearing what your son may have to say in these instances, particularly since he knows your friend through his church.
___You are in the driver's seat on this issue. If your son has concerns, certainly investigate these. But if he is just surprised, invite him to join you and your friend for a meal. It will be uncomfortable at first, but time will help your son deal with this.
___Love for our parents is so deep. We try to honor our parents, as we are instructed in the Bible. Sensitivity to your son at this time will certainly help as he adjusts to you as a single adult.
Contents/ Masthead / Why We're Here / Links / Archive / E-mail us/ SUBSCRIBE!
