January 5, 2000
FAMILY MATTERS:
Ask the right question about 'the one'
___How can I be sure she is the one?
___Lately, I have had a parade of young men, between 25 and 35, desiring my
counsel on this question.
STEVE SMITH
Minister to singles
Prestonwood Baptist Church, Plano
___This problem generally surfaces after a few months of intensive dating, when the man is ready to settle in and enjoy a long, comfortable, undefined, open-ended stroll to maybe a long-term commitment that will be determined at a later date. And the woman is saying, "Call it love or call it quits."
___Facing the loss of the most significant person he has ever known, the man intensifies his search for an answer to his question: "How can I be sure she is the one?"
___His quest will cause him to seek an answer from every married couple he knows, his single pals and strangers he will never see again. The pithy wisdom he will gain from all of them will be, "You'll just know ..."
___The answer "You'll just know" is right up there with a father's answer to his young son when asking, "Why?" and the father says, "Because I said so; that's why." This answer is given because of two reasons: He does not want to take the time to give a clever explanation that his young child will understand, or he does not know why.
___Discovering a complete answer to "How can I be sure she is the one?" always eludes the seeker. To be absolutely sure of anything would remove the element of faith. We are commanded in Scripture to "live by faith." So, we must conclude that a part of God's wonderful plan for us is that we love by faith.
___Marriage is a "by faith" adventure. In Ephesians 5, the woman is by faith to give honor and respect to the man and the man is by faith to love his wife in the same manner Christ loved the church and sacrificially gave up his life for her.
___The reason "How can I be sure she is the one?" is so troubling is because it is the wrong question. In my decision-making process, a faulty premise can only lead to a wrong conclusion. The right question for a man to ask is, "Am I the right one for her?" Someone once said, "Marriage is a man's last and best chance to grow up." A man has much to consider before committing to marriage. He must order his private world in such a way that he can surrender to the lordship of Christ and become a godly man.
___Ladies, be patient and help your man as he asks himself the right questions. It's worth the wait.
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