March 27, 2000
CYBERCOLUMN:
You move me...
___When my husband and I visit our kids at Texas A&M, we love to attend Central Baptist Church in Bryan. It is such an encouraging sight to see the large numbers of college students attend Sunday morning services, but the crowds create a parking problem for the neighborhood. One solution of which we gladly take advantage is for the church to shuttle folks back and forth from the Blinn College parking lot.
___ As the shuttle bus was taking us back to Blinn one Sunday, a man told my husband, "I learned very soon in my marriage that whatever my wife asked me to do, I obeyed as quickly as possible ..."
DONNA VAN CLEVE
___ "Yes! Thank you, Lord!" I thought, and then turned around to see if my husband, Jack, were paying close attention to the words of someone so obviously a prophet. The saint continued ...
___ " ... I did whatever she asked, and I did it wrong so she'd never ask me to do it again."
___ Jack was grinning like a Cheshire cat.
___ The obnoxious stranger would not shut up. "It's the same with driving--I drive, never look at a map, get us lost and the wife never asks me to drive again."
___ The problem was more widespread than I thought. I cringe when I think about the years I assembled things around the house before I figured out Jack had conned me into doing the work. All he would have to say was, "You're not smart enough to put this together."
___ That was like waving a red flag in front of a bull. I'd show him. And I would proceed to assemble that exercise bench or furniture or toys or whatever it was that needed assembling. Sometimes there would be odds and ends lying around afterward that I wasn't quite sure what to do with, but I showed him that right or wrong, I could eventually put something together.
___ In the early years of our marriage, Jack also had a little trick he used while driving. He would notice me starting to nap, so he'd run off the road to make me think he was nodding off too. Then I felt like I had to stay awake to keep him awake, not realizing he had been wide awake the whole time. But now that I'm older and wiser, and we're both tireder, I can sleep peacefully during the times the old coot really does nod off and run off the road. I think my boy has cried "Wolf!" one too many times.
___ I think fondly of the days before Jack and I got married, remembering the romantic sacrifices we made for each other.
___ For one of my last art projects in college, I decided to make a wall-size weaving of natural materials. Jack traipsed all over the Nueces River bottom to help me gather reeds, cattails and other interesting-looking flora. He was so thoughtful not to complain about it until after we were married. Now he thinks he deserves a medal or something. I think he was scared to death some of his old cowboy buddies might see him flitting around in the flora, and he'd have to come up with some masculine lie about what he was doing.
___ I, on the other hand, have never complained about having to give the calves their shots when I accompanied Jack to work cattle one day. Nor did I cry when that wild-eyed, psycho calf chose my derriere as a target. After we got married, I didn't feel quite so obligated to go work cattle with him.
___ But I do admire those women who take up their husbands' interests--hunting , football, large engine repair, roping, overkill action movies, fishing, loud burping, etc. after marriage. I've decided that this, too, is a subtle form of backward manipulation, although I've yet to see a husband take up crafting, endurance shopping or interior decorating or fix his wife a plate of food to serve her while she's in her easy chair watching television in order to win her favor.
___ If a young couple were to ask me what four qualities are necessary for marriage, I would answer without hesitation--faith, love, self-sacrifice and the art of manipulation.
___ Donna Van Cleve is director of the public library in Cotulla and is a member of First Baptist Church in Cotulla, where she is church pianist.
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