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Selective hearing
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___Does anybody have a cure for our sons’ selective deafness?
___ After several years of research in the trenches, I have finally come to this profound conclusion: Both our children must be deaf and we never knew it.
___ I now realize this because of
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MARK WINGFIELD
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the pattern that has developed in our house. I talk plain English in simple sentences to give instructions. Both our boys appear to be listening. But within seconds, they proceed to do exactly the thing I have just eloquently asked them not to do.
___ Amazing? Well, there’s more. It’s not just me. I have witnessed the same transaction between Alison and the boys.
___ Surely this phenomenon cannot be happening in households across America, or my parents would have called to tell us they saw it on "Dateline." Therefore, I conclude that our children have a profound hearing problem.
___ Let me illustrate. I took both boys with me to a department store where I was shopping for pants. Not wanting them to tear the mannequins limb from limb while I wasn’t looking, I took them in the dressing room with me.
___ My first words of instruction, spoken as clearly as a parent not wanting to be humiliated knows how, were to stay in our stall and not crawl underneath the dividers into someone else’s stall. They nodded their heads, then Luke immediately laid down on the floor and began peering up into the adjoining stall.
___ "What did I just ask you to do?" I said with exasperation.
___ Blank stare from underneath the divider.
___ "Stay here. Please don’t crawl under the dividers and look in the other stalls," I said again.
___ "But why?" Luke asked innocently.
___ I then had to deliver a lengthy speech about why it was rude and improper to peek up into someone else’s dressing stall.
___ Did it work? No way. But hopefully my lecture was loud enough that anyone nearby who Luke popped in on at least knew I knew what was going on. Seems that’s the best a parent can hope for sometimes.
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___It’s amazing how the boys’ hearing is so selective.
___ They come home and tell me all about what they did in school and what the science teacher or the music teacher or the gym teacherand even their regular teacher all said. So I know they
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ALISON WINGFIELD
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can hear and comprehend quite well.
___ The minute they hit the car, something happens. They go from learning and listening mode to ignoring and avoiding mode.
___ Brick walls come to mind.
___ The main word they don’t seem to understand, at least when it comes out of mom or dad’s mouth, is "No."
___ I try really hard to let my no mean no, and my yes mean yes. But the boys still seem to think no is just a temporary setback. If whining doesn’t work, and eventually they figure out that they’re digging a deeper hole with their wailing and gnashing of teeth, then they resort to a flowery dissertation on why they need something or want something right now.
___ "But Mommy, I’m hungry for only a cookie and not anything else. My tummy doesn’t want any fruit or crackers."
___ And if that doesn’t work, they resort to subterfuge—in other words downright disobedience—and try to get that extra cookie when my back is turned.
___ I try not to be too negative, but apparently I do say no to them rather frequently. The boys like to write words on sticky notes and place them on me or themselves. Some have my name on them and some have "I love you" written on them.
___ Luke pasted a sticky note on me the other day. It said "No."
___ Maybe I need to listen to myself more often.
Mark Wingfield is managing editor of the Standard. Alison Wingfield is a freelance writer. The Wingfields moved to Texas from Louisville, Ky., where Mark had been editor of the Western Recorder, in which this column appeared weekly.
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