April 24, 2000

Churches encouraged to begin grief ministries
___By Polly House
___LifeWay Christian Resources
___NASHVILLE, Tenn. (BP) --Churches should begin ongoing grief ministries because death is a constant and people need to learn to deal with loss, Betty Hassler told senior adult leaders gathered at LifeWay Christian Resources.
___"The whole purpose of grief is to bring you to the point of making necessary changes so you can live with the loss in a healthy way," Hassler said during the Senior Adult Leadership Summit.
___"Grief is completely personal. Some people are expressive and cry a lot. Others want to talk. Some people are just quiet. People just have to be who they are," she said. "There really is no right or wrong way to grieve."
___In addition to being personal, grief should be specific, she said. "If you don't grieve each time you feel like it, it will build, and somewhere down the line you will explode," Hassler said.
___Also, grief needs a time limit, she said. "There has to be a period of time from the death to the resolution."
___When establishing an ongoing grief ministry in a local church, Hassler suggested leaders determine who they hope to reach. Church members and non-church members, Christians and non-Christians lose people they love. Everyone has grief experiences.
___"Think of the outreach implications," she said.
___Hassler defined components or groups that can help develop grief ministries:
___ Sunday School classes can supply food, flowers, phone calls, visits and physical, tangible help.
___ Pastor and staff can prepare for the funeral, graveside service and counseling.
___ Deacons can pray and visit the family.
___ Senior adult organizations fulfill some of the same roles as a Sunday School class but also can lead in organizing.
___Practical needs also must be met, she said.
___"With their permission, of course, do something like mow the yard or wash a load of laundry," Hassler said. "You might even need to help the survivor get appropriate clothing for the funeral."
___"House-sitting is something that needs to be covered," Hassler suggested. "How often do you hear of someone's house being robbed while the funeral is going on? The death notice is in the paper, along with the address and the time the house will be empty. Somebody needs to stay there."
___In the days and weeks after the funeral, the needs will change. A widow might need to learn how to handle the household business. A widower might need to learn how to do the laundry.
___Have someone in place to remember special anniversaries and holidays. Send a card to the home. Invite the bereaved to share a meal, either at a restaurant or in your home, but not in their home so they feel like they have to entertain you.
___"Don't let them just sit home alone on special days," Hassler said.
___Support groups can be helpful to people working through their grief, she noted. Mentoring or counseling also can help someone work through grief.
___"With 30,000 senior adults dying every day, there is a need for grief ministries in our churches," Hassler said. "We can be there for people. God can use us if we are available."

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