May 1, 2000

EDITORIAL:
With kids & faith, talk matters
___All that talk by parents may carry more weight with children than we ever imagined.
___A new study reveals words are just as important as actions for parents who want to instill their own religious convictions in the lives of their children.
___The study examines how parents influence the beliefs of young adults, ages 18 to 25. It was conducted on a cross-section of Purdue University students and their parents by Lynn Okagaki, a professor of child development and family studies at the university. Her findings were presented in the April-June issue of the Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology and reported by Religion News Service.
___"We focus a lot on telling parents to model particular behaviors for their children, but it's not enough for parents to just model for their kids if they want them to adopt their religious beliefs," Okagaki stressed. "Parents have to talk about those beliefs. They have to share their thoughts with their child."
___The survey demonstrates several factors help shape the religious beliefs and understandings of children.
___First is a "clear understanding of what their parents believe," Okagaki noted. "A child's perception of a parent's beliefs is affected by all of the things a parent does." This includes taking time to explain religious beliefs and encouraging the child to participate in activities that reinforce those beliefs.
___Second, children are more likely to follow the parents' lead in beliefs when the parent-child relationship is strong, she added. "If a child has a warm and trusting relationship with the parent, then the child is much more likely to want to adopt that parent's belief."
___Third, children are more likely to adopt parental beliefs when both parents accept those beliefs, Okagaki reported. "When parents agree on a belief, their child perceives the particular belief to be more important and has a stronger desire to adopt the parents' belief," she explained.
___However, this positive factor is undermined when parents hold divergent beliefs --such as the importance of church attendance and participation. "The child gets the message there are acceptable alternative positions to going to church."
___The good Lord knows--and we do too-- it's mighty difficult raising children in this secular, materialistic, pluralistic age. The Purdue report reminds us to take some specific steps to encourage our children (and grandchildren and friends who are children) and nurture their faith development:
___ Attend church as a family and talk about it later. Urging you to take kids to church is like preaching to the choir. But too often, we drive home from church with the radio on and scatter as soon as the car doors open. We need to talk about what goes on at church. Discuss the sermon and the songs. Ask your kids about their Sunday School lesson, and tell them about yours. Don't pass up the chance to discuss what's meaningful to you about worship and fellowship and the ministry of your church, and encourage your children to think about what impacts them.
___ Eat dinner together, and discuss the faith implications of what happened that day. Do your kids know why you do the job you do and how you feel God led you into that work? Do they understand how your faith and beliefs affect your politics, your involvement in community life, your priorities for how you spend your time and money? Tell them. And get them to describe how they interpret the spiritual dynamics of the events in their lives.
___ Watch the news, and then talk. Help your kids understand how God is at work in the world, and even how evil is rampant. Give them spiritual lenses to see the world and human events. Reports of religious fighting in Northern Ireland, the Balkans and Indonesia provide occasions for discussing how important faith is in the lives of people the world over--and in your own life. News about Supreme Court and Congressional issues allows you the opportunity to explain Christian principles and Baptist distinctives in real-world terms.
___ Read to your children. Read the Bible. If they're young, read Bible story books. Then talk about the faithfulness of God, the love of Jesus, the present help of the Holy Spirit. Talk about how those stories shaped your life and encourage you still.
___And, of course, support that talk by living a good and godly life. The faith of the next generation depends upon it.
___ Marv Knox
E-mail the editor at marvknox@baptiststandard.com


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