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No flowers can lead to florid complexions
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___Marriages are full of contradictions. For Exhibit A on this point, consider flowers.
___Women expect men to bring them flowers, or at least have flowers delivered to them. This is seen as a sign of love and affection.
___But women also expect men to be able to pay for the flowers. This is seen as a sign of responsibility.
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Mark Wingfield
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___So what I want to know is which is more important, showing signs of affection or signs of responsibility. You can’t always have it both ways.
___Alison is forever dropping hints to me that I don’t bring her flowers anymore. But even more frequently than that, she’s reminding me that we’ve allocated our financial resources right up to (or maybe beyond) the limit. Don’t go spending money on things we don’t really need, she warns as I head to the hardware store.
___Is it just me, or should these two conversations have some bearing on each other? Maybe that’s only a male way of thinking (or rationalizing, Alison might say).
___My theory on flowers is that only men who are dating, newly married or whose children are gone from home are likely to be bringing home flowers on a regular basis, unless they just won the Publisher’s Clearinghouse sweepstakes. You show me a guy who’s raising a family and bringing home flowers every week and I’ll show you a guy who’s trying to make up for some really big goof or who’s feeling really guilty.
___After all, how many florist ads have you seen where a man comes home with flowers, steps over all the children’s toys on the floor, rummages through the cabinets searching for a vase while children cling to his legs and then makes a beautiful presentation to his adoring wife? That’s too far-fetched even for TV.
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___Oh, baloney. A trip to our local grocery store for a small bouquet is not going to break the bank. And it doesn’t have to be delivered by a florist to be special.
___A trip to the hardware store is a different matter. Whenever Mark says he needs to pick up a few things there, I brace myself. A few things can turn in to a major shopping trip when he goes to one of those mega home supply places.
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Alison Wingfield
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___He doesn’t bring me flowers, but I do see a lot of tools and gadgets.
___I’d even be happy with a single rose now and then. My small bud vases are sadly underused.
___When it comes to the romance department, my creativity also has sadly fallen by the wayside. Cards were my main way to keep the coals burning. I used to occasionally place one on his pillow or at the dinner table. Now we’re lucky to have the bed made or find the table amidst all the school papers and other miscellaneous stuff that gets deposited on it.
___When it comes down to it, maybe what’s lacking as our marriage enters its mid-teen years is creativity. I’m not talking about greeting him at the door wrapped in cellophane or anything ridiculous like that. Perhaps we need to remember some of the little things we did as newlyweds, when we didn’t have a dime. Foot massages, candlelight dinners (sans the kids), and walks around the block (with the kids) can go a long way toward keeping a relationship ticking.
___And, of course, a small floral offering is always welcome.
Mark Wingfield is managing editor of the Standard. Alison Wingfield is a freelance writer. The Wingfields moved to Texas from Louisville, Ky., where Mark had been editor of the Western Recorder, in which this column appeared weekly. |
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