May 8, 2000
CYBERCOLUMN:
Learning grace
___I've heard about grace all my life, growing up in a Baptist church and all. From my earliest days I've known at least two definitions of grace that I could rattle off at a moment's notice. Grace: God's unmerited favor. And grace: God's riches at Christ's expense.
___I knew grace meant I didn't have to earn my salvation; it was a gift from God. However, that was mostly an academic distinction to me. I grew up going to church three times a week, sometime much more. I did not do anything wrong--never drank alcohol or used drugs or cause trouble or any of that stuff. I never rebelled as a teenager other than growing my hair out long. I was happy to know God's grace meant I didn't have to earn my salvation, but having to earn my salvation didn't really bother me much anyway. I thought if anyone could earn his salvation, I could. I knew I wasn't perfect--far from it--but I was at least on the short list.
BERRY SIMPSON
___ It isn't that I secretly believed my good life would earn my salvation--I knew that came only through God's grace. I just didn't think I needed it as much as the next guy did. When God handed out doses of grace, I could survive on a small helping. That's what I thought.
___ That was my basic approach to salvation and grace all my life, and I was happy and content with it.
___ But I was missing the entire point of grace. God had so many things he wanted to give me, but I was too foolish to understand. I was so busy protecting what was mine, guarding the life I'd worked so hard to create, I wasn't open to new things. I could take care of my own self and my own problems, and I didn't whine and complain. I knew how to tread lightly on other people's lives. I was good at guarding--my arms were strong and firmly wrapped around my life and my stuff. I was proud of being self-sufficient and low-maintenance, never needy or wanting.
___ But that is the same way I approached God. I knew I needed his help and his protection and his grace, but not very often. I saw myself as a low-impact Christian, and God didn't need to commit that much of his resources to me. God could assume I was fine unless I called him for something specific.
___ I was stupid. There is more to life than being self-sufficient.
___ What has been the biggest surprise of my life is that people, and God, too, want me to need them. Who would've guessed that? I thought I was doing the world a favor by passing through without demanding constant attention. The notion that someone would want me to need them was strange.
___ God showed me what I was so proud of, self-sufficiency, was actually self-centeredness and selfishness. I wasn't being un-needy for other's sake, but for my own. I was proud of me.
___ Almost two years ago, I started meeting with a group of men once a week (actually, two groups of men in different meetings) and much to my surprise they were interested in my failures and weaknesses. Not because they wanted to gossip, but because they wanted to pray for me and help me as Christian brothers. By "being a source of trouble," I was giving them a chance to care for me. It was confusing. Contrary to what I'd assumed.
___ About that same time my friend, Terry, surprised me. He confided he'd been encouraged by one of my public statements in which I'd referred to him as one of my best friends. I was stunned; not because I didn't want him as a friend, but because I didn't think of myself as that great of an asset. Why would someone be encouraged if I called them my friend? What I mean is, Terry and I liked each other and enjoyed each other's company, but I didn't really understand the nature of friends who need each other. Or at least, I didn't know enough about it to think it important.
___ Well, I am always the last kid in town to recognize the obvious. As human beings, we need each other, and we need to be needed by each other. Unless we are vulnerable to each other and admit our weaknesses and failures, we can't receive help. Unless we admit and believe our own weaknesses, we can't accept strength from our brothers and sisters.
___ It is very difficult. I don't know how to "be needy" without being whiney, and that is the last thing I want to do.
___ Fortunately, learning to live life as a Christian is a life-long project. I am encouraged to know the way I am today doesn't have to be the way I'll be tomorrow. I can grow. I don't have to wait for the next life to be better or closer to God. It can happen now. Today. Tomorrow.
___ God has been gracious to me. He has used his most patient and effective tools, relationships with people, to show me the nature of his grace.
___ Berry Simpson, a Sunday School teacher at First Baptist Church in Midland, is a petroleum engineer, writer, runner and mayor pro-tem of the city of Midland.
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