May 8, 2000
FAMILY MATTERS:
Families of troubled teens can find hope
___We have a 14-year-old son who is difficult to deal with. Nothing seems to be helping, and I am scared we won't last another four years in the same house. What can I do to make this liveable?
___Remember you are not alone. Beyond the comfort of God's presence, you
may draw strength from parents who face similar situations. Seek out or start, if necessary, a support group for parents like you and your husband.
MARY STEDHAM
Family Counselor
Abilene
___I sat with a mom recently who said: "I can't believe he's about to graduate! Four years ago everyone was telling me he would never make it, and I was the only one who would dare to believe he might; even I had real doubts. Things were so bad. I wish I could tell parents of younger kids there is hope."
___I asked: "What made the difference? When did things change?"
___First, she told of the incredible change she saw in his behavior and his ability to pass his classes when her son was given medicine for Attention Deficit Disorder.
___Second, her husband got involved with the teen. Dad insisted the boy would no longer talk to or treat his mother the way he had. Period! The newfound ability to control his impulses (which the medication afforded) called him to a higher level of accountability. There would be no more screaming, name-calling, physical outbursts. If there were, there would be severe consequences. And the dad became an enforcer. I cannot overstate the significance of that change.
___That mom added: "There is simply no substitute for prayer. I would go into his room after one of those fights, and we would pray. Sometimes he would pray with me; other times he refused. But I never stopped praying ... somehow we would find the answers we needed to get through all of the madness. Prayer works miracles. We are one of the miracles, and I know it."
___Obviously, the miracle didn't come quickly. The turnaround came only after the family had struggled, sought help and was willing to use all possible avenues to address the problem. And the welcome change came in the presence of unending determination. There were surely moments of discouragement, but there was no quitting. That's why I think a support network is so vital. It may be a long, rough ride, and caring, faithful folks around you can make the long trip seem shorter.
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