June 19, 2000
Father's Day unites two men in
struggle to make right choices
___By Scott Collins & Russ Dilday
___Buckner News Service
___On Sunday, two Texas men observed Father's Day from different perspectives. On the day many Americans set aside to honor both the institution of fatherhood and fathersthemselves, one bounced his 13-week-old son on his knee, while the other reflected on a life-altering decision.
THE BIOLOGICAL FATHER and adoptive father of little Jonathan pose together. Adoption was the right choice for the young father and his girlfriend, he said. (Photo by Russ Dilday)
___One father felt he had received a gift of great value, while the other felt he gave an equally valuable gift. One father experienced the joy of rocking his son to sleep that night, while the other experienced the resolve of knowing he made the right decision to provide for his infant.
___Although Father's Day held different experiences for the two fathers, they were bound by a common tie: Their love for the same baby boy.
___This Father's Day, adoptive father Mark Rountree of Coppell showed off the newest addition to his family, Jonathan, while birthfather Josh Golleher took joy in seeing "my son raised up in a good home."
___Just as their perspectives of fatherhood were different on Sunday, Roundtree and Golleher are from different worlds. Rountree, 35, is established in his career as a certified public accountant who specializes in tax planning and tax consulting for large health care organizations. A graduate of Baylor University and a member of Park Cities Baptist Church in Dallas, he admits his only real hobby is "being with my wife, Debra, Jonathan and Steven, 4."
___Golleher, 15, lives in a rural North Texas community and experiences many things common to someone who will be a high school sophomore at the beginning of the school year. He enjoys sports and is active in his school's athletic program and is holding two jobs this summer, performing landscaping work and working at a fast-food restaurant.
___But, unlike the majority of teenagers, Golleher and his girlfriend were faced late last year with a crisis and decision: She was pregnant. What should they do?
___"When my girlfriend got pregnant, we were, like, kind of struggling about how we were going to do this and raise the baby," he recalled. "And then one of her family members suggested adoption.
___"My girlfriend suggested Buckner to me because she knew another family who worked with Buckner and had a positive experience."
___The pair began to work with Buckner Adoption and Maternity Services adoption counselor Lori Wilkerson. But the decision still was difficult, Golleher said.
___"It took weeks, almost months, of counseling for me to realize what was best for the baby. Of course, I wanted to parent him at first. However, looking at the budget and all the responsibilities that come with parenting, I realized what was best for him. I knew there would be losses either way, but the losses for Jonathan would be less if we chose adoption."
___While birthfathers often are the "silent" members of the adoption triad that includes birthmothers and adoptive parents, Golleher took an active, responsible role in the decision to place Jonathan, Wilkerson said.
___ "The stereotype of a birthfather is a man who most likely would not want to be involved ... and would rather be absolved completely of any responsibility for the child," she explained.
___But that is changing as adoption becomes more open, she said. "Thus, for the past five years, Buckner has put a particular emphasis on involving the birthfather as much as possible, as soon as possible. Last year, birthfathers were involved in the planning of over half our placements."
___In Golleher's case, however, "God used a 15-year-old to help us remember why birthfathers really are important in the lives of their children," Wilkerson said, noting his involvement in every aspect of the adoption process. During their time in the hospital, Golleher was with the birth mother and the baby as much as he was allowed. He changed every diaper, changed Jonathan's clothes, fed him and held him. Rolls and rolls of pictures were taken and will preserve for Jonathan the feelings that words alone would never adequately express.
___Mark and Debra Rountree recognize how God has blessed their lives with this adoption of a healthy, beautiful son who has two birth parents who love him enough to recognize his need for parents who can give him the kind of life they cannot. And they are birth parents who love him enough never to abandon him.
___"Jonathan's name means gift from God," said Rountree. "And he has lived up to that name from the very beginning. The whole process that led to his arrival in our home was full of uncertainty and emotion and wondering if we would ever enjoy the opportunity to parent another child.
___"When that became a reality for us ... we recognized how much of a gift he was."
___Rountree agreed.
___"We're enjoying the wonderfulness of his life, the wonderful relationship that we enjoy with his birth family and the realization that, despite whatever uncertainties we may face in raising this child because of the uniqueness of adoption, we will forever have for him and for ourselves an earthly example of what Christ did for us," he said.
___ All agree, as well, that adoption is not a one-sided gift.
___Jonathan's adoption is an open adoption, a practice observed in all Buckner-facilitated adoptions. It is characterized by open communication and ongoing visits at a level comfortable to both parents and birthparents.
___In Jonathan's case, the Rountrees have invited Golleher and his girlfriend to remain a part of his young life.
___"That means a lot to me," Golleher said. "I can hardly explain it. It's wonderful to see my son being raised in a good home. And I get to watch him."
___That openness also has birthed a new friendship between the fathers.
___"Initially those feelings were distant in that I did not know him, but I had feelings of respect and really reverence of the kind of decision he was making to place this child with us," Rountree said. "Josh was and is very emotionally tied to Jonathan. He loves him, and his decision was an act of selfless love.
___"What's happened as we've gotten to know him more is that sort of distant respect has grown into a very compassionate, emotional awe of the choice he made in all of the circumstances that he faced."
___But would the young birthfather have made the same decision if faced with it again?
___"I would strongly recommend it. It's better for the baby, it's good for them (the Rountrees). I also think it's better to do this than to try to do something you can't do."
___
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