July 17, 2000
Speaker offers help for adult
children caring for aging parents
___By Ken Camp
___Texas Baptist Communications
___GLORIETA, N.M.--For more than 12 years, Charlotte Ware's mother lived with Charlotte and her husband, Weston, in their home south of Dallas.
___When Charlotte faced the prospect of putting her mother in a nursing home two and a half years ago, a quote defining "love" helped her make the decision: "Love is doing what
___Ware shared her personal insights about "Caring for Aging Parents" during a conference at the Texas Baptist Family Reunion at Glorieta Conference Center.
___Care for elderly parents is a vital issue not only because there are more senior adults today than in the past, but also because they are living longer. The segment of the United States population age 85 and older is 31 times larger than it was in 1900, Ware noted.
___Like others in the so-called "sandwich generation," Ware cared for her aging mother while at the same time caring for children.
___When determining the needs of aging parents, adult children must distinguish between the "sick elderly" and the "failing elderly," she cautioned. Most older adults have at least one chronic condition, and more than half have at least one disability. Sickness is a part of growing old, but intervention is not necessarily required unless a person is "failing."
___"Failing is being sick without the capacity to realize the incapacity," Ware said. "The person is either unable or unwilling to recognize the problem."
___Adult children should look for three warning signs that would require them to intervene, Ware noted:
___Memory loss. Forgetfulness and slow recall is a normal part of aging. However, the total loss of memory--the inability to recall an event or person at all--is reason for alarm.
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___When a parent needs help, the first step should be to schedule a family conference, Ware said.
___The next step is to assemble the parent's personal information, including insurance policies, financial records, will or trust, durable power of attorney for health care and any advance directive regarding medical care.
___After assembling the paperwork, Ware urges having a medical evaluation of the aging parent performed by a board-certified internist--preferably one with geriatric training.
___At that point, the matter of housing should be considered. "By far, the best choice to make is to leave them in their own home if possible," Ware observed.
___If alternative housing is needed, options include senior retirement communities, group homes, assisted living facilities and continuing care communities with graduated levels of care.
___Another option is the adult child taking the parent into his or her own home.
___"This is a major commitment," Ware reported. "It offers freedom from many worries, but it must be examined within the full range of one's responsibilities."
___The potential caregiver should examine the aging parent's relationships with other family members in the household, as well as his or her own lifelong relationship with the parent, she said.
___"Realize that personality quirks can become very irritating. A simple matter like setting the thermostat can leave you feeling trapped," she noted.
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