July 17, 2000
Family systems called key to church conflict
___By Mark Wingfield
___Managing Editor
___GLORIETA, N.M.--If you want to understand church conflicts, look at the families church members have come from, Steve Lyon told participants in the Texas Baptist Family Reunion.
___Lyon, professor of pastoral ministry at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, led a session on understanding church conflict through the model of family systems theory.
___Church members and ministers "think and behave the way we learned in our families of origin," Lyons said. "We continue our way of thinking and acting from generation to generation."
___Often, church conflicts represent a "clash of cultures and history" learned in families of origin, he added.
___It benefits the church to help members deal with family issues, Lyon said, because when family of origin issues are resolved at church, they're fixed at home too, and vice versa.
___Most church conflicts have more to do with the process by which decisions are made, not the content of the decision, he reported.
___And the triangles created by troubled interpersonal relationships in churches are like the triangles created in troubled family relationships, Lyon said. For example, a triangle is created in a family when one member, perhaps an alcoholic, becomes victimized by his addiction. Another family member often is drawn in as a rescuer, to save the addict from the consequences of his own actions.
___Until this triangle is broken, family systems theory says, the addict cannot find healing.
___Ministers and other church leaders often get pressed into similar relational triangles at church, Lyon said. And just as family members sometimes sabotage an addict's true attempts at recovery because they don't know how they would function without the addiction present, so church members sometimes sabotage progress toward wellness, he added.
___Effective church leaders must articulate their position, stay connected and deal head-on with sabotage, Lyon said.
___Lyons' presentation on family systems theory was supported in another session led by Vaughn Manning, a consultant with the Baptist General Convention of Texas minister/ church relations office. Manning led a session on understanding church conflict.
___Churches actually are organisms but often are treated as organizations, Manning said. This is a critical mistake, he asserted, because organization techniques are not effective in solving organism problems.
___"The central focus of an organism at its core is life, while the central focus on an organization at its core is structure," he said. "A vital part of an organism is concerned with relationships, while an organization is concerned primarily with structures and their functioning."
___Healthy churches functioning as organisms focus on fellowship, consensus and focus, Manning said, while organizations focus on buildings, programs and finances.
___"Organization may be needed to function well, but when structure is substituted for relationship, it has a deadening effect on the health of the church."
___Manning listed seven common sources of conflict in churches:
___Lack of information.
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___Above all, much conflict can be avoided by giving church members plenty of information about decisions that are being made and how they are being made, Manning said. "You can't give them too much information."
___In most churches, for example, committees may work diligently on a proposal behind the scenes for months. But the first time other church members know anything about the issue or the proposal presented by the committee is when it surfaces in a business meeting.
___Church health would be enhanced if committees kept the full church informed about the issues they are dealing with and gave plenty of advance notice of recommendations, Manning said.
___Even in the best situations, conflict will occur in churches, just as it does in families, he explained. When conflict does arise, though, the wise leader will identify who owns the conflict and let those parties resolve the conflict.
___"If you created it, you own it," he said. "If you didn't create it, you don't own it. Those who created it ought to deal with it."
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