July 17, 2000

CYBERCOLUMN:
Just leave a message...
___By Brett Younger
___ "On Monday morning, the church secretary told me again that it's time to change the message on the church's answering machine. The old message has a former organist's mellifluous voice saying, "You have reached the offices of Lake Shore Baptist Church. Our office hours are 8:30 to 5, Monday through Friday. Christian education classes are

BRETT YOUNGER

each Sunday at 9:30. Worship is at 10:45. If you'd like to leave a message, please do so after the tone."
___ It's such a well-written, crisply delivered and uplifting message that the monumental step of changing the message led to some serious soul-searching. What bigger question is there than, "What message does the church most need to speak?"
___ For instance, I had not heretofore asked myself how answering machines reflect the theological distinctives of particular churches. For instance:
___ Calvinist churches. "We're not in the office right now, but God knew you were going to call."
___ Charismatic churches. "Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Leave a hallelujah when you hear the tone. (We can always use another)."
___ Liturgical churches. "The Lord be with you, but we're out right now."
___ Fundamentalist churches. "We're not in, but we don't want to miss this opportunity to ask, 'Have you heard of the four spiritual laws?'"
__Quaker churches. "We're not in, but you don't need us. The Light is within you."
___ Baptist churches. "We can't agree on what to say on this answering machine, but we feel strongly about your right to leave the message you feel led to leave."
___ We could put messages on our machines that promote particular church programs:
___ "If it's Wednesday, then we're making dinner. You can't beat the food or the price. Be here at 5:30. You won't regret it."
___"Christian education classes for all ages are each Sunday morning at 9:30 for some classes, 9:45 for most classes, and 10 for one particularly slow-moving class. No matter when you arrive, we have a class for you."
___ "This is the choir director. When you leave your message, open your mouth, breathe deeply and enunciate."
___ Maybe we could put a special message on the machine during stewardship emphases. "We're not in right now, but if you have a question about worship services, press one. If you would like to know about education programs, press two. If you want information on youth activities, press three. If your call is about a financial contribution, call us at home."
___ I know the answering machine message is a big deal, so I'll keep working on it. Feel free to give us a call. Leave your suggestions on the answering machine—even though the message isn't nearly clear enough.


___ Brett Younger is pastor of Lake Shore Baptist Church in Waco.


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