July 24, 2000
FAMILY MATTERS:
Dad can overcome reactions to childhood
___Sometimes my husband reacts in ways that are impossible to understand. I say something innocent, and he jumps all over me. I am used to it and try to let it roll off, but I can't so easily dismiss his tendency to do the same thing to our children.
MARY STEDHAM
Family Counselor
Abilene
___"Reacts" is the correct word to use. Something is triggering a reaction, possibly from years ago. When we talk about adult reactions being tied to childhood experiences, we are not looking for excuses or trying to blame. We are looking for explanations that would give these adults a way of understanding their own behaviors and feelings. With new understanding comes new options. Old messages can be changed and old programs rewritten, but sometimes people need to go back to the source, to the beginning, when they were just kids.
___All kids enter the world "in the middle of the movie." Just imagine yourself as a child walking into a movie theater where many people are deeply involved in the story. You begin watching, trying to identify the characters and get a grasp on the plot. Part of it you figure out easily. Other parts are beyond your understanding. You do the best you can, figuring it out however you figure it. And, for you, that is the way it--the story--will remain unless someone comes along at some point, giving you more information that causes you to draw different conclusions.
___Let me mention a current movie that reflects what I am saying. "The Kid" captures the reality of how people's lives can change in wonderful ways when they see through the dark glass more clearly regarding their own childhood conclusions. Jesus said we must become as little children again if we are to experience God's kingdom. He knew we needed a new reality, one that allows for God's love for us and one that removes our old conclusions that we are unlovable.
___While we are not spared from all discomfort or struggle as God's children, we are granted new eyes with which to see and new ears with which to hear. We are healed. We forgive. We are forgiven. In God's grace, we become "kids of the kingdom." Only then can we become the moms and dads we truly want to be to our children.
___I would gather up dad--and maybe the kids--and take in this movie. God can use all kinds of messengers to deliver his good news--angels, shepherds and just maybe, movie stars!
___
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