July 31, 2000
FAMILY MATTERS:
Do parents sometimes play favorites?
___ My brother has my mom wrapped around his little finger, and my sister has my dad right where she wants him. It feels like I'm nobody's favorite, and I always get blamed for everything. What can I do?
___ I wish I could tell you parents don't have favorites, and in reality everything is equal between you and your brother and sister.
DEBBIE CHISOLM
Minister to Students
Royal Lane Baptist Church, Dallas
___The truth is that even in the Bible we see parents having favorites. You can read about Jacob and Esau in Genesis 25 and see that Isaac and Rebekah had favorites. You would hope that growing up in a home where you're willing to do just about anything for your father's blessing would cause you to be determined not make the same mistake with your own children. But in Genesis 37 we read, " Now Israel (Jacob) loved Joseph more than any of his other sons."
___Sometimes parents, teachers, coaches and ministers have favorites. I grew up feeling the same way you do about my sisters. I would look for things that would prove what I was feeling was true, and I would go back and forth between trying to gain approval and not caring if I ever got it.
___What can you do?
___Well, first you can allow for the possibility you're mistaken. I was determined we (my husband and I) would not have favorites. With three daughters all very unique in personality and talent, it would have been easy to be closer to one than the other. We have been intentional with our affection, our praise and our discipline. But on any given day, one daughter will think we're showing favoritism to another, when honestly we're not. In those moments, they have learned to talk with us and tell us what they're feeling. We look at the situation and acknowledge how it does seem to favor one over the other. We also remember when the accusation was coming from one of the other sisters.
___If you don't have a family that can talk about something like this, then please talk to someone. In a wonderful book called "The Blessing," there's a chapter that helps you to accept the painful fact your impression may be correct and you may never receive the affirmation you long for. For some, that is the painful truth.
___How wonderful it is to have a God who never has favorites. Not only does God love us completely, but he also places people along the way that make us feel loved and special.
___
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