August 7, 2000
CYBERCOLUMN:
Hey, Four-Eyes!
___By Donna Van Cleve
___ "I got my glasses in the fifth grade. By the time seventh grade rolled around, I had laid them aside for vanity's sake. I was blind as a bat, though, and had to squint my way through school. (that was really attractive) I learned to function fairly well in spite of my self-imposed handicap. I learned to recognize people by a variety of means: the way theymoved, how tall they were, the color of their hair, their voices. I even played a pretty mean game of basketball, except for the times I threw the ball and hit my teammates in the back because I couldn't see that they weren't facing me. It was really tough during one particular game when we played against a team that had the same color of uniforms as ours. I had to dribble right up to someone's face before I could safely pass the ball.
DONNA VAN CLEVE
___ I even dated a guy in high school was as vain and blind as me. He'd run his car through intersections (neither of us saw the stop signs), and then he'd overshoot the turn-off to my house several times before he'd get it right. I'd like to say love was blind, (insert groan) but in that case it was just blind stupidity. I eventually got contacts, but then I'd fret about my makeup, my weight, the clothes I wore, or any number of external things.
___ Worry so much about my appearance really masked an insecurity in myself. I was raised in a loving home, and from that standpoint I really had no reason to have low self-esteem. And like most kids in the history of the world, I had my share of teasing at school, but I survived. Donna Marana (Spanish for pig) was one of my lovely nicknames in junior high back in the late sixties. But I think the emphasis on appearances in our society was getting out of balance even then. Multiply that many times over, and that's where we are today. Why aren't we more successful at teaching our children to put as much effort working on the inside: self-confidence, integrity, respect, self-control, kindness, responsibility, etc. as they do the outside: makeup, fashion, diet, exercise, bodybuilding, etc. But then many of us adults could stand to do the same thing ourselves.
___ The best thing that eventually helped improve my self-esteem, though, was when I began to learn how valuable and precious I was to God, but that realization didn't come overnight. For years my relationship to God was distant. Think of it this way: if George Strait tells you and ten thousand other screaming fans after a concert that he loves you, does that mean you and he have this personal relationship? Of course not! I'd heard the phrase, God Loves You, and sang the song, Jesus Loves Me, all my life, but it was just a nice, fuzzy, feel-good saying about someone great that we talked and sang about. What would the God of the Universe want to do with this insignificant speck like me?
___ Our relationship was not very personal until I began to realize the magnitude of his love for me - Donna, and not only mankind in general. That before the foundation of the earth, He knew mankind - I would stumble, and that He willingly went to the cross in order to reconcile mankind - me to Himself. And yet he still chose to create man - me knowing the heartbreak He would have to endure. Now think of it this way: when Jesus says, "I love you," to you and the billions of screaming masses throughout history, does that mean you and He can have this personal relationship? Absolutely! Miraculously, his love isn't divided and diminished among all mankind. It is multiplied. His love for and in each of us is complete. That knowledge overwhelms me.
___ I've come a long way in reducing my vanity and insecurities. I faithfully wear my glasses, thankful that I can see. I still use makeup, but I do so for the protection of the general public. I dress more for comfort now than style, and I'm coming to grips with my middle-age, poppin' fresh figure. No matter what I do or how I look, God's love for me remains the same. Now that's beautiful.
___ Donna Van Cleve is director of the public library in Cotulla and a member of First Baptist Church, where she is church pianist.
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