January 22, 2001

FAMILY MATTERS:
Good friendships are worth preserving
___My friend and I have been best friends for years. During the holidays, we got into a big fight. I want to make up with her, but I don't think I should have to be the one who goes to her. I know I was right! If you're right about something, shouldn't you just wait for the other person to finally see it?

DEBBIE CHISOLM Minister to Students Royal Lane Baptist Church, Dallas

___Relationships are not an easy path to travel. Along the way, there are bumps and holes, ditches and uncomfortable obstacles.
___Of course, there also are breathtaking views, unbelievable beauty and moments you'll remember forever. The way we relate to people in our homes, at church, where we work or go to school changes as we mature and discover more about ourselves.
___If you have been friends for years, then I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. A friendship that has lasted the test of time probably already has weathered several storms. Negotiating conflict within your personal relationships will be something you will be doing for the rest of your life.
___In fact, you can look at this conflict as practice. Practice for the time when the big fight will be with your husband or your child, your boss or someone in your church.
___Here are some general rules for surviving interpersonal conflicts:
___ Try to find a win/win solution. No one likes to lose or be 100 percent wrong. Is there any way you can meet half way with the issue you're debating?
___ Try to limit the fight to the issue at hand and not bring up things from the past. Stay focused on exactly what it is you're fighting about.
___ Arguments can get passionate, so be careful not to say something cruel that can wound and leave a permanent scar.
___ If angry words were sent in your direction, try to forgive and forget quickly. Often those words will replay over and over again in your head like a broken record.
___Sometimes it just comes to the point that you have to ask yourself a very important question. What's more important--being right or the relationship? Best friends are hard to find. Some people never find one.
___

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