FAMILY MATTERS:
Assisted care makes sense for long term
___After 30 years in one city and one church, I had to make a decision within 72 hours when our name came up on the waiting list for a retirement community. It has graduated levels of care, and my husband is in the early stages of Alzheimer's disease. Now I feel lonely. Did I act too quickly?
___It would appear you made a very difficult decision, not so much on the basis of your feelings but trying to be wise about your future. While you could be more comfortable in
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MARY STEDHAM
Family Counselor
Abilene
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your former environment, you have put yourself in a better position for the long term. As time passes, you will need more assistance. A retirement community should be well equipped to help you as the disease progresses. Without physical help and emotional support, you will find your task overwhelming.
___You had many friends in your former city and church, and you are grieving that loss. You can continue to talk to them and visit them when possible. Fortunately, though, you have not lost your ability to form meaningful friendships. By making this move as early as you did, you are allowing people to know your husband as he has been. Had you waited until the disease progressed, they would never really know him, and you would have less time to develop a new network of friends.
___Make good use of this time. Look for ways to connect to people on a personal level in a Bible study group, Sunday School class or in a volunteer capacity of some kind.
___With your old friends, you likely felt understood and safe and could share easily. In your new setting, you may hesitate, wanting to appear strong and capable, not weak or "needy." The Apostle Paul realized that only when he acknowledged his weakness could God strengthen him. "When I am weak," he wrote to the Corinthians, "then I am strong." Don't get caught in a need to "be strong."
___Many churches offer support groups for caregivers. If yours doesn't, you may be instrumental in helping start a vital ministry as it addresses your need and the needs of many others like you. Our challenges are less daunting when we share them. Let yourself laugh--and cry--with new friends.
___You may feel lonely right now, but you are not alone. Remember the parting words of Jesus to his disciples, "And surely I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Let that promise comfort and strengthen you in this uncertain time.
The Baptist Standard
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