FAMILY MATTERS:
Parents can set limits on family activity
___Newsweek magazine discussed the "parent trap," and I felt like someone had been watching our lives. We are too busy, and we know it, but we can't see how to turn things around. Is there a way to do it?
___If you truly want things to be different, you must do some different things. Period! So,
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MARY STEDHAM
Family Counselor
Abilene
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here are some possible adjustments to consider:
___ Limit the number of activities your children can participate in. "But what would the ball team do?" you are thinking. "Without our son/daughter, they will not have the strongest team possible. Don't we have a responsibility to the team?" Yes, once you have committed to the team, you do have a responsibility. So be very deliberate before committing. You do not have to say yes to every opportunity.
___ Your child can have a life beyond the team and can even miss a practice or a game for a good reason. Such leeway does not foster irresponsibility. It is necessary if the family is to have time for family vacations and to honor other commitments, like those at church. Some families haven't had a vacation together in years because of a winning Little League baseball team. What price victory!
___ We must say no to some good things. A case can be made for music programs, Scouts, sports teams, programs at school, drama, student government, etc. They all potentially are good experiences. Even church activities fall into the mix. Sometimes there are too many good options. That is when you, as the parent, have the authority and responsibility to set limits. Remember, the long-term impact is the primary concern.
___ Form an alliance with other parents and decide how to scale back the frenzy. You are not alone in feeling overwhelmed by the pace of life. The Newsweek article referred to teenage suicides and burnout for first graders as indicators that many children have no "childhood." The emphasis on doing it all, having it all and winning it all--all the time--has parents I visit with weary.
___ Don't wait for your children to want to make necessary changes. Do not back yourself into a corner. When your internal "distress alarm" goes off, do not ignore it. Rather, understand why it is going off and make needed changes. God gave us limits so we could have freedom. We need to afford our children the same benefit.
___May you have strength to stem the tide!
___
The Baptist Standard
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