March 26, 2001
FAMILY MATERS:
Balance acceptance, concern and grief
___We are so excited about our first grandchild. At 21 months, she is, of course, the cutest grandchild ever born. She has Down syndrome. Our friends tell us how sorry they are for us. And when we take our granddaughter out, people stare. My wife says when we babysit, we should just keep her at our house so she won't be subjected to this type of treatment. Is this right?
___Your wife's instinct is to protect her precious granddaughter. It is natural to
want to spare the child any hurt.
MARY STEPHENS
Vice President
Buckner Retirement Services, Dallas
___Your granddaughter may or may not understand others are staring. As she ages, she may begin to notice she is treated differently than other children.
___Loving and accepting her is an excellent way to assure her she is a special gift from God. It will become even more important as she faces a world that goes beyond the confines of her home or family situation.
___Your wife needs reassurance as well. She may be concerned that heredity caused the child's condition and feel guilty. Or she may believe something that happened on the part of the child's mother during the pregnancy resulted in the Down syndrome. This could cause some anger on your wife's part.
___Your wife may even be embarrassed by your granddaughter as she compares her to other grandchildren of her friends. She may not be able to express this feeling and may feel additional guilt about this.
___Planning for a grandchild and then learning that the child will have some limitations, in the eyes of the world, can cause grief. Help her understand guilt and anger are all a part of the grief process she is experiencing.
___Please get factual information for your wife about Down syndrome. Things she knew and learned about Down syndrome in the past may be outdated. Learning about it in a non-threatening way will help her deal with her feelings.
___Your acceptance of your granddaughter and your obvious concern for your wife show you are truly sensitive to the emotional impact families deal with as they experience these kinds of issues.
___It is important for your wife to know your granddaughter can have a wonderful quality of life. Including faith training will be a very important component of her development. Understanding that she is the Lord's creation will help your granddaughter know how special she is.
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