FAMILY MATTERS:
Sibling rivalry need not divide children
___Is it possible for two boys, ages 10 and 12, to live together under one roof in peace and harmony? I need help!
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KAY TOWERS
Program Coordinator
LifeWay Fellowship, Killeen
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___Probably not! Sibling rivalry is as old as the Scriptures. Children's quarreling is a part of life. Children of the same sex and close together in age are normally very competitive. There are, however, important lessons to be learned through this stage of growing up.
___Often the fighting or quarreling is done to pull the parent into the situation. A child will want the parent to intervene and punish the other child. When the parent asks who started the arguing, most of the time, both children will point to the other one. Sometimes it is better for the parent not to get involved. Let them work it out.
___As long as children are not in danger of physical harm, it can be good to let them learn to work through it and come up with their own solution. There is value for later life when one learns how to end disagreements or differences of opinions acceptably. In life, not everything is going to go our way, and not everyone is always going to agree with us.
___Find a time when you can point out the positive things they do and enjoy together. Talk about the happy times in the family when each one is considerate of the others in the family and the family enjoys being together because every member has something to contribute.
___When they are not in the middle of a quarrel, you might discuss some things they could consider the next time they are having a disagreement:
___ Separate for a cooling down period.
___ Avoid trying to solve problems when emotions are controlled by anger.
___ Try looking at the issue from the other's point of view.
___ Listen to the other one's reason for the disagreement.
___ There are two sides to every story, and the truth is somewhere in the middle.
___ Realize we are all driven by our selfish desires to be right and have our own way.
___Psalm 133:1 proclaims, "How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!" Remind them even though they are going through a time of development, they must learn to appreciate each other. The truth is, they probably already do.
___When the stress gets to you, stop and count your blessings for two lively sons. They will live through the experience, and so will you.
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