June 11, 2001
DOWN HOME:Life's symmetry
can get all rolled up sometimes
___Life reflects a certain sort of symmetry. And for fathers, toilet paper must be part of the equation.
___Not at first, of course. Unless you call disposable diapers toilet paper on steroids.
___But sooner or later, almost every child's innate curiosity leads to the family bathroom to experience the sheer, unadulterated pleasure of feeding toilet paper into the commode, pulling the handle and watching what happens. It's kind of like flying only the tail of a kite, except without wind.
MARV KNOX
Editor
___Then, as surely as the laws of physics prevent a Buick from passing through a keyhole, the kiddoes up the ante of their "scientific" experiment. They figure if flushing a little TP is fun, flushing a lot must be fantastic.
___This is why every father should own at least one industrial-grade toilet plunger.
___(When I count my blessings, somewhere in there I number the great fortune of raising toddlers before the government mandated these new-fangled water-conserving commodes.)
___Eventually, kids get bored with dropping gobs of toilet paper, toys, utensils and small pets in the commode. That's good news.
___The bad news is that doesn't mean a dad's extended relationship with TP is over.
___As children get older, they develop relationships with somewhat-human creatures known as "friends." And these "friends," especially the teenage variety, greatly enjoy the spectacle of sneaking over to each other's houses in the middle of the night and covering trees, shrubs, porches and any other outdoor inanimate objects with, you guessed it, toilet paper.
___Perhaps I'm not mean enough (don't put that to a vote of the minors living under our roof), but I do not require our daughters to retrieve the rolls of TP that wind up in the tops of our trees.
___My life, symmetrical as it is, once again involves fetching toilet paper that has some strange relationship to my children.
___I no longer need the industrial-grade plunger. I'm thinking of exchanging it for a fireman-worthy ladder. A cherry picker would be better.
___As I tear toilet paper out of the tops of trees, I sometimes wonder about fathers in more upscale neighborhoods. If teenagers in tony subdivisions toss more expensive "decorations," are dads who retrieve largely unfurled rolls of triple-ply TP ever tempted to recycle?
___Just wondering.
___The symmetry of toilet paper is but one phase of a father's life. Vexing as the chores sometimes may be, they're part of the splendor and variety of life with children.
___This Sunday is Father's Day. Thank God for loving fathers. And thank God for children who keep life interesting, even down the drain and up the tree.
___
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