June 11, 2001
Richard Ross: Youth at heart
___By Matt Sanders
___Southwestern Seminary
___FORT WORTH (BP)--The mother sat in his office with painful news. She was taking a risk speaking to him, not knowing whether he would accept or reject her. But she had to tell him.
___"Richard," she began, "a hallmark of your ministry has always been your warmth and positive encouragement of teenagers, but that has diminished as of late.
Richard Ross
___"Encouragement has been replaced by pressure and pushing from you. The teenagers feel they don't measure up to your expectations and that you are pushing them away by your displeasure."
___After that meeting, Richard Ross, a youth minister in Dallas at the time, recalled sitting in his car and weeping because he knew the mother was right. And he knew the main reason for the change.
___For years, Ross and his wife, LaJuana, had wanted children. When they learned she was pregnant with twins, the Rosses were overjoyed. But the twins never cried or laughed in the nursery room the Rosses had carefully prepared with two of everything. The twins died before birth, and Ross responded as "the typical, stoic male," never grieving or healing.
Lessons learned from youth
___Richard Ross has learned a lot over the years--lessons he passes along to his students but still uses as he ministers to teenagers himself:
___On teen perceptions of leaders: "Teenagers can quickly tell if they are a cog in the youth ministry machine, existing primarily to make the youth program appear successful."
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_Regardless of the reason for the change, the mother's confrontational words cemented in Ross a lesson he had long known but inadvertently swept aside--when ministering to teenagers, true love cannot wait.
___He immediately called together the teenagers, and they had a time of tearful sharing and restoration.
___The son of a Texas Baptist pastor, Ross now teaches youth ministry at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. He is best known, however, as the architect of the "True Love Waits" sexual abstinence movement among teenagers.
___Ross first found his place in youth ministry after the relentless pursuit of a Baptist Student Union director at Hardin-Simmons University. Marshall Walker saw something special in the young freshman and didn't want it to go to waste.
___"Marshall saw indications in me that I could minister to youth, so he took the initiative on many occasions to encourage me to meet with search committees," Ross said. "I'm not sure this ever would have occurred to me without his encouragement."
___As far as Ross was concerned, he was not "ideal" youth minister material. He did not see himself as handsome, did not excel in sports and did not play the guitar. Plus, he had no role model for youth ministry, because he did not grow up under the leadership of a full-time youth minister.
___Yet Ross knew God was speaking through Walker.
___At 19, Ross took his first youth ministry position at Hillcrest Baptist Church in San Angelo and has been involved in youth ministry ever since.
___While perhaps not the "ideal" youth minister, Ross fell back on the one thing he knew God had given him.
___"Over 30 years, I believe my unconditional love and my personal expressions of love to each teenager in a youth group have been the foundation for ministry," he explained.
___"Teenagers quickly learned that if they became pregnant, started drinking or even thought my youth events were silly, it might break my heart, but it would not break my love for them."
___In addition, Ross credits his wife with being an essential partner in his ministry. They met at Hardin-Simmons and discovered they shared a common passion for youth ministry.
___Although Ross acknowledges that "there is a special bond when husband and wife can minister to teenagers together," he does not believe it is the pattern for every marriage and youth minister.
___"LaJuana has had a special ministry with teenage girls and has had an intimacy in counseling, friendship and being a role model that I could never have had," Ross said.
___The Rosses now are facing a new chapter in their own lives, not just because of their recent move from Nashville, Tenn., to Fort Worth, but because their own child, Clayton, is approaching the teenage years.
___"There will be some days of stress and strain," Ross predicted. "But I am certain that having a teenager in our home is going to be a joyful experience."
___The Rosses always have had teenagers in and out of their home. Even while working on the staff of LifeWay Christian Resources in Nashville, Ross served as youth minister in a local church.
___And upon moving to Fort Worth, Ross did what he has done whenever he has built a home. He built a house with no interior walls on the second floor.
___"We value a large space just for teenagers," he said. The one-room second floor now is equipped with a pool table, pinball machine and other amenities teens appreciate.
___His dedication to teenagers extends beyond providing a place for them to hang out. Ross understands the need to stay engaged in teens' lives and to see the world from their perspectives.
___"The teenagers in 2001 want to change the world," he said. "They will drift away from the church filled with adults who simply want to entertain teenagers, to hand teenagers ready-made events on a silver platter. They will drift toward churches that understand they have the gifts and abilities to make an impact for the kingdom and who move them to the front lines of ministry."
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