June 25, 2001
Buckner program helps fractured families keep it together
___By Scott Collins & Russ Dilday
___Buckner News Service
___The Sias home is abuzz with activity. Rafaela Sias and daughters Melissa and Evelynn busily cook the evening meal, while the youngest children, Marcos and Maria, demonstrate their Nintendo skills.
___Sons Jesus and Domingo show off the weightlifting equipment in their room. And dad, Esteban Sias, talks to everyone within hearing, punching the air with his hands as he elaborately tells one story after another.
___Throughout the modest home in Anton, about 30 miles northwest of Lubbock, signs of hope are everywhere. This is a family that enjoys being together.
THE SAIS FAMILY
___But a few short weeks before, it was not this way. The six Sias children were removed from the home for six months by Child Protective Services. Their parents were ordered to get help with parenting skills so they could overcome multiple issues facing the family.
___That's when they met Alisa Sisemore from the nurturing program at Buckner Children and Family Services in Lubbock. During the time the children were placed outside the Sias home, through their reunion six months later and for a follow-up period, Sisemore has guided Mr. and Mrs. Sias and the children to understand the basics of being a family.
___"They were very open, and they really wanted to work to get their children back," Sisemore said. "They have been very open to talk about the issues and to admit that there has been a problem. When families want to be helped, then we're well on the road."
___The purpose of the nurturing program is to "teach the ABCs of parenting" in the home of struggling families, Sisemore explained. Some of the basics covered in the program include helping families understand the development stages of children, developing effective communications skills, tips for enhancing and improving family relationships and learning ways to encourage children.
___The program helped the Siases learn to set boundaries for their children and stick together as parents once those boundaries are set, she said.
___"Boundaries have been important for us to learn," Mrs. Sias concurred. "And sticking to it, because we would say, 'You're grounded,' but the next day we would say, 'All right, next time you're grounded.' But now, when they're grounded, they're grounded."
___The Sias children have noticed the change in their parents. And while Melissa, 16, says life for a teenager was easier before her parents began sticking to their decisions, she knows the new way is better.
___"We used to not get a lot of direction," Melissa said. "We would go one direction and then the other. But this time, it's my mom and dad together. It's not like one way and then the other. I always got my way with my mom, and my dad would say no, but I'd still get my way. But they stick together now and that's different. It's really harder now."
___However, "we've been getting along pretty good," she added.
___Along with sticking to their decisions, the Siases said the program has taught them to talk with their children about decisions and explain the reasons for them.
___"We've learned to always speak to them about what we're doing. Before, we would just tell them something not to do and in an hour, they would do the same thing. Now, we talk to them first."
___"I've learned more about communication and how to be patient and calm," Sias said. "I have to take it one step at a time and not get angry. We've definitely learned better parenting skills. But we still are learning."
___With all the parenting skills and lessons the couple have learned, the children say the thing that means the most is the determination of their parents to get the brothers and sisters back together as a family.
___"That's the biggest model for us," Melissa said. "We know they love us and they care for us because they didn't give up on us. They didn't stop going to classes or going to court or anything. They wanted us back, and they got us as fast as they could."
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