July 16, 2001
FAMILY MATTERS:
Gender creates different communication
___My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. I try to do thoughtful things for him to show him how I feel, like buy cards, send e-mails, buy silly presents and think of creative things for us to do. He says he loves me, but he never does anything to show me he does.
___Even though there are always exceptions and we don't ever want to blindly walk through life stereotyping people, you will find this is only one
of the characteristics that separate males and females. Male and female are both created in the image of God, but we are not created exactly the same.
DEBBIE CHISOLM
Minister to Students
Royal Lane Baptist Church, Dallas
___Communication is the key to any healthy relationship. Hopefully, if you've been dating someone for two years you've come to a place in your relationship that you can talk comfortably with each other.
___The problem is we get it in our mind that we shouldn't have to talk about this because if they really cared they would automatically know. If you want to effectively communicate with someone, the first thing to do is to make sure you're speaking their language. Men and women often speak different languages.
___You do special things for your boyfriend to communicate your love, when in reality they might not communicate love to him at all. Maybe for him not calling so much or trusting him enough to give him some space would communicate love more than thoughtful e-mails.
___In the same way, he may be doing things he believes communicate his feelings to you yet are meaningless to you. Let him know what you would like to receive from him; remind him often, but understand that this may never become a natural, unprompted behavior for him. Not because he doesn't care, but because he just doesn't think that way.
___Another aspect of a healthy relationship is balance. We all have needs. We need to feel special, connect, find intimacy, enjoy fellowship. It's important that your relationship develops in such a way that you're meeting a good balance of each other's needs.
___If, after you have diligently communicated what you need, he is still unable to learn to meet those needs, then you might need to consider dating someone else.
___ God always knows exactly how to show me that I'm loved and when I need to feel loved the most. I can expect that from my relationship with God, but not from the people in my world.
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