July 23, 2001

Professor submits ways to make faith work at home
___FORT WORTH--"If our Christianity doesn't work at home, it doesn't work."
___That's the message of Bill Goff, professor of Christian ethics at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, to a capacity-filled room of women at the Celebrating the Hispanic Woman conference in Fort Worth.
___Whether it should be the case or not, the fact is that many times it is up to the wife to set a positive tone in the home, Goff said.
___"More often than not, the wife has to create an ambiance in the home," he told the women. "Many guys don't have a clue as to what it means to 'love your wife as Christ loves the church.'"
___Goff, who has been married 40 years, said being submissive isn't easy.
___"We won't submit as a work of the flesh; it must be a work of the Spirit," he said.
___Submission does not mean that the woman is a second-class citizen, he said.
___"We've turned submission into an inferior condition, but nowhere does the Bible do that. If you want to have power in your home, submit. There is tremendous power in submission," he said.
___He told the women they could teach their husbands through their submission.
___"You can outsmart these guys, do them good. They won't know what hit them," he said. "Pray for these guys, put on the whole armor of God."
___He cautioned, however, that submission is not manipulation.
___"You can't manipulate them and you can't preach them into the kingdom either. You can't push them into the kingdom. But with works of kindness, you can lead them. If he won't come that way, he won't come."
___Being called the weaker vessel in 1 Peter 3:7 is not meant to be disrespectful to women but rather should be seen as a sign of honor, Goff said. "The picture is the contrast between something common, like a pot or ceramic bowl, and something crystal, something beautiful and of great value. The woman is to be treated as a precious fragile vessel."
___Seven types of marriages endure, Goff said. The first four types stay together for convenience, fear of consequences or lack of alternatives. The last three hold fast because of the relationship itself.
___Devitalized couples. These stay together for a long time, even though they have a low level of satisfaction in their relationship.
___Financially focused. These have considerable difficulties and stay together primarily because of their careers or for some aspect of money management.
___Conflictive couples. These have a pattern of nearly constant fighting and arguing, which becomes a way of life for them. This kind of living can be reflective of their homes of origin.
___Traditional couples. Internal relations, as in communication, conflict resolution and sexuality, are stressful, but these couples stay together for religious or family pressure reasons.
___Balanced couples. These express more satisfaction in their marriage, although there are some areas of considerable conflict.
___Harmonious couples. These are fairly well-adjusted in their internal and intimate relationships, but there may be some stress from external forces such as finances, work or church.
___Vital couples. These are characterized by having a high degree of satisfaction in almost all areas of their marriage relationship.
___Goff also offered some characteristics of happy and enriched marriages. Those include dedication and commitment; trust, honesty and faithfulness; responsibility in fulfilling roles; flexibility and tolerance of others' differences; unselfishness and good communication.
___Healthy marriages also must include empathy and sensitivity; appreciation and respect; affection; friendship; ability to manage conflict and crises; and similar spiritual values, he said.

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