FAMILY MATTERS:
Confront abusive behavior, even from dad
___My mother died a few years ago, and I am an only child. Therefore, I feel responsible for my dad's care. He is becoming more demanding and hateful all the time. He throws fits and screams at me if he is upset about anything. My friends tell me I am being abused, but what can I do? I couldn't abandon him.
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MARY STEDHAM
Family Counselor
Abilene
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___You don't have to abandon your dad to make it clear you will not be abused by him.
___Usually people who have such a pattern of rages and outbursts have a nice side and an ugly side. They use their anger to intimidate and control people around them. They pick only a few to show their "true colors," but the few can suffer greatly.
___Your challenge is to step out of the rescuer/martyr role. You inherited it from your mom, and now he expects you to do the same. This is a time you need to do the unexpected thing.
___Surprise your dad the next time he behaves so inappropriately, regardless of where you are, and deal with him the way you would deal with someone else who was mistreating you. If a friend yelled at you, you would probably confront that person and/or remove yourself from that position. You would "take up for yourself," as well you should. And you must in this case also.
___Because parents play such a vital role in our lives in early years, we can operate out of the feeling that they are bigger and stronger than we are and there is nothing we can do to defend ourselves if they hurt us. For a child, that is, sadly, pretty true. For a mature adult, however, that is not true at all!
___Chances are you are stronger physically than your dad at this point in time. You can provide for yourself and protect yourself. Your dad is not bigger than life, and your life does not depend on his approval.
___Please do not take a teaching like "Honor your father and mother" to mean you must let your dad abuse you because he is your dad. To allow such mistreatment honors no one.
___The Apostle Paul wrote in the love chapter, 1 Corinthians 13, that once he thought, understood and spoke as a child, but when he became a mature man he put away those child-like responses. You must do that very thing--not in the name of dishonoring your earthly father but in the determination to learn to love in the way of your heavenly Father.
___May God strengthen you for this unfamiliar course and open your eyes to the resources around you!
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