August 13, 2001
DOWN HOME:
Preachers ought to put weatherpeople on payroll
___Joanna missed her calling. If she had not fallen under the spell of my "charm" during our sophomore year in college, she might have switched schools, changed her major and become a weatherperson.
___She really did think about switching schools and changing her major, but only later did she begin to muse about missing out on majoring in meteorology.
___(By the way, why do they call the scientific study of weather "meteorology"? Thatsounds like the scientific study of meteors. It should be "weatherology" or "cloudology" or "hot-and-haziology.")
MARV KNOX
Editor
___Jo realized she missed her specific calling several years after we were married. That's when the Weather Channel was invented. Maybe you've seen The Weather Channel. You know--all weather, all the time.
___You can tune in to The Weather Channel and learn about the temperature in Tucson, the humidity in Hartford, the barometric pressure in Baton Rouge, the rainfall in Racine. You can discover practically every weather fact anywhere in America and selected cities abroad if you watch the Weather Channel long enough.
___Of course, I'm biased, but I think my wife could've been a Weather Channel whiz.
___Jo's got good posture and plenty of hair. She's also good with numbers, so she can say, "The highs today will be 99 in Amarillo, 153 in Wichita Falls, 102 in Fort Worth, 97 in Kerrville and hot enough to fry eggs on the sidewalk in Del Rio."
___On top of all that, she can gesture. That's very important for weatherpersons, who gesture at maps every day. That's why Kristine Kahanek, who used to describe the weather in Dallas, was the greatest weatherperson of all time. Not counting when David Letterman did the weather in Indianapolis.
___If Jo were a weatherperson in Texas, this would be her favorite time of year. She could arrive at work five minutes before going on the air, give the same report every day and still be right every day: "The high tomorrow will be about 100, and the low will be around 80, and you'll probably die of old age before you see a rainbow again."
___She also knows how important it is for Texans to at least hope for rain. So, like all good weatherpeople, she would promise "a chance of thunderstorms" at the end of every five-day forecast.
___Come to think of it, this time of year ought to be a favorite for pastors in Texas, too.
___They can preach on the subject of hell, open the windows and doors as object lessons, offer the invitation and count the converts. And folks who respond will receive the freshest rainfall of all--"showers of blessings."
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