August 20, 2001
FAMILY MATTERS:
Grandmother has to know her limitations
___My grandchildren are involved in so many activities. Sometimes, my daughter can't get all four children where they need to be without help. I don't mind taking my grandchildren, but I do not want to transport several of their friends. They are delightful, but it is distracting as I drive. How do I make my daughter understand my reservations?
MARY STEPHENS
Vice President
Buckner Retirement Services, Dallas
___Your concern for the safety of your passengers is commendable. Youthful enthusiasm can, indeed, be loud and distracting.
___With four children participating in a myriad of activities, scheduling transportation can be a challenge. Much of what children gain from outside activities is socialization with their peers. Being able to ride together is important to them. However, safety must prevail.
___When a conflict does arise, you might offer to go with your daughter. You could attend one activity as she drives the other children to their event and attends it. Your attendance also will provide monitoring supervision of the children.
___Offer to provide a special "grandmother's time" with each child. This would relieve some pressure your daughter feels as she struggles to meet the expectations of her family. It is important children learn time with family is as important as time spent in outside activities. It also will provide a blessing to you as you deepen your bond with your grandchildren.
___Perhaps your daughter is overwhelmed with the children's schedules. It might be useful if you affirm your daughter's skills as a caring, involved mother, but also help her understand there are limits to what she can provide.
___Children also can be stressed if too many activities crowd their days. Share with your daughter skills to prioritize and focus the children's efforts toward their particular talents and interests.
___Even though your daughter is an adult, mother-daughter issues could surface. However, your wisdom and experience continue to be valuable in your relationship with your daughter. Communicate in a non-judgmental manner to avoid the appearance of diminishing her skills. Take guidance from the Proverbs, "A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction."
___This busy world has many opportunities. Learning to incorporate a balanced approach to our lives is a lesson for all families.
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