AFTER THE TERROR:
Responding to children
___As television newscasts beam continuous images of terrorist-inspired death and destruction into American homes, several Texas Baptist counselors advised parents to work hard at creating "normal" environments for their children.
___"Don't avoid talking about what has happened, but don't draw on it either," advised Jeff Jones, director of counseling services for Buckner Children and Family Services of North Texas.
___"They're going to be exposed to this through their schools or seeing it through the media. As a parent, I would be careful not to let it consume us, where it is always on the television and this is the only input they're receiving."

"As a parent, I would be careful not to let it consume us."

___Children need information, but they also need context, added Helen Harris and Diana Garland of Baylor University's School of Social Work. They released a three-page document giving tips for parents on dealing with the terrorist attacks in New York City and Washington, D.C.
___"Tell your children in age-appropriate language the simple facts," the Baylor professors advised. "Be simple and direct, explaining things at their level.
___But while giving facts, make sure to provide interpretation, they added. "Children need interpretation. Don't allow children to watch these events on television or listen to them on the radio alone. Watch with them. Ask what they are thinking and feeling, and share your own thoughts and feelings with them."
___Harris and Garland agreed with Jones that keeping a routine will help children feel secure.
___"Children need routines and your presence," they advised. "As much as you feel drawn to the television and newspapers and discussions with other adults, remember that your children need things to be as normal as possible, and they need your presence with them. Spend time with them in homework, in play, in discussion."
___Children may simply need to get out of the house and away from discussion of the trauma, Jones added. "You may need to physically take your children out of the house to a park or movie to reinforce that they are safe at home and outside the home. That's all part of normalizing family life without downplaying the situation."
___Parents also should let their children see them express normal emotions over the tragic events, added Amy Branch-Lambert, a pastoral care consultant with the Baptist General Convention of Texas Counseling and Psychological Services.
___"Parents need to be honest about their own feelings," she said. "To a large degree, children will mirror what their parents are doing."
___Dealing with your own emotions can provide a powerful point of explanation for children, added Harris and Garland. "If you cry, explain what is making you cry. Ask them what makes them sad or angry. It is OK for children to see your feelings; they will know even if you don't tell them."
___But be careful about expressing anger, Jones warned. "As Christian adults, we will struggle with the feeling of desiring retribution. As hard as it may be, God calls us to calm and forgiveness, and we're to strive to be like him."
___How children understand such events and emotions will vary depending on age. "Children under the age of 6 or 7 do not yet understand the permanence of death," Harris and Garland wrote. "They may be confused that others are so upset.
___"Children older than 8 or 9 years have an awareness of the permanence of death. They frequently have questions about what happens after death. Parents should share with these children information that death means that the body doesn't work anymore. Share what you believe about life after death."
___Parents also should reassure their children of their own safety as truthfully as possible, the experts agreed.
___Harris and Garland advised parents to "tell your child the truth: 'This is scary because it could happen to anyone. But we believe it will not happen here. And you need to know that if it were to happen here, we would get through it together as a family. God is with people there who are hurting. And God is with us. God says we will never be alone, even in the scariest of times.'"
___Parents should not neglect the emotional needs of adolescents at this time either, Harris and Garland added.
___"They need information, interpretation and security, but they are ready for conversations that are more adult," the social workers explained. "They also need normalcy. They need you to watch television with them too."
___Further, adolescents "need you to listen to their strong feelings, even when they are hard for you," they continued. "They easily feel out of control when a tragedy like this happens. They believe in justice, and so they may express rage and question where God is at a time like this. Their thoughts about what our nation needs to do may be quite different than yours."
___With children of all ages, current events provide excellent opportunities to teach about faith, the Texas Baptist counselors suggested.
___"Use conversations between parents as occasions to discuss ways in which their faith sustains them," said Branch-Lambert. "Let them know that we depend on God for our peace when the world around us is not at peace."
___Jones added: "Depending on their ability to comprehend spiritual concepts, explain to them that there are bad or evil people in the world whose actions sometimes confuse us, but that God is a God of love, not confusion and He has a plan."

___Reported by Ken Camp, Russ Dilday and Mark Wingfield





Baptist Standard