September 3, 2001
FAMILY MATTERS:
Care for the sinner while condemning sin
___A friend, who held a very responsible position in the community, was accused of indecency with a child. He maintained his innocence and was supported by our church until he entered a "no contest" plea. Then people began to avoid him and his wife and asked the pastor to ask him to leave our church. He has taught adult Sunday School, but now the pastor won't let him. I pray for these friends.
How can I help them?
MARY STEDHAM
Family Counselor
Abilene
___Sadly, churches are not immune to this problem. Many churches have policies to protect children and teens from harmful adults. Their teachers and workers may have to have a criminal background check. That is as it should be. Those given such a sacred trust remember Jesus warned, "Be as wise as serpents and as gentle as doves." This situation demands gentle wisdom.
___People who victimize others do not quickly acknowledge responsibility and usually will deny wrongdoing until evidence is produced which cannot be denied. While they may be guilty, they are not excluded from Christ's love. So even guilt should not cost them the love of their church family. The key question is, "What does that wise love look like?"
___Your question reflects your desire to be like Christ, and this situation offers you and your entire family of faith opportunity to answer Christ's call.
___While this man has not admitted guilt, his no contest plea could be perceived as an indirect confession. Apparently many of your fellow church members took it as such, and they now want him to pay for his sin. People caught up in their fears and anger have decided to "throw the bum out!" Interestingly, the Bible handles sin differently. In the Old Testament, the prophet Nathan confronted King David with his sinfulness, but he did it up close in a personal conversation. That honest confrontation penetrated David's denial far better than judgment or rejection would have, and he repented. In the New Testament, Jesus, upon encountering a woman caught in adultery, asked those who were sinless to cast the first stone. When there were no takers to that offer, he said: "Neither do I condemn you. Go, and sin no more." A loving call to accountability was his response. Confronted by someone whose motives and means are Christ-like, imperfect people just may find the courage to admit their own struggles and sinfulness. Then God's grace can be unleashed in ways that change lives and churches.
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