HE SAID/ SHE SAID: Flush with happiness over new toilet

___ We are flush with happiness over the arrival of a new toilet at our house. ___Actually, it's not a new toilet, just a new-to-us toilet. You might say it's a black market toilet. ___ It's a 1976 model, manufactured well before the current laws mandating that potty peddlers may only sell low-water toilets that don't work without a plunger. You can't buy the old-style toilets anywhere officially these days, so I'm told. I once read a newspaper article about the phenomenon of people building new houses but bringing old avocado and harvest gold toilets with them from previous residences. ___I know why they did this. MARK WINGFIELD ___ We didn't have to buy this toilet, however, thanks to the generosity of our friends and neighbors, Jeff and Judy. They recently completed a major renovation and addition to their home, and they were getting rid of one of the original toilets from their house, which, like ours, was built in 1976. ___ When I found out they had a big-flush toilet ready for the trash, my ears perked up. Of the three toilets in our house, only one is an original installation. Two had been replaced with newer low-water models. ___ And let's just say that with two boys in our house who put off going to the bathroom longer than they ought to, we have been using the plunger constantly. ___I'm hopeful we'll be able to give that plunger a rest now, however, because I took Luke and Garrett's old wagon across the street, picked up Jeff and Judy's vintage potty and hauled it home. It now sits enthroned in our guest bathroom just off the kitchen. ___Installing it was an ordeal, but it was well worth it in the end. I even chipped a corner of the tank in the process, but I was so desperate to have the big-flush toilet that I got out the epoxy and glued it back together. ___ Once again, things are flowing smoothly at our house. Mark Wingfield is managing editor of the Standard. Alison Wingfield is a freelance writer. The Wingfields moved to Texas from Louisville, Ky., where Mark had been editor of the Western Recorder, in which this column appeared weekly. ___I don't know when I've seen Mark so excited. Getting a call from Ed McMahon to say we'd won the sweepstakes might eclipse the new/old toilet gift, but not by much. ___True confessions, I was a tad happy about it myself. The toilet we got rid of was not only a new low-flush version, but it had an additional water-saving device built inside the tank. It was so efficient, we had to flush at least twice every time we used it. It wasn't exactly sturdy--it rocked when you sat on it. It also was smaller than the original toilet, so part of the concrete flooring showed past the edge and had to be covered up with a rug. And this was in our guest bathroo ALISON WINGFIELD m. ___My handyman was motivated and ready to work. Which of course means the toilet shot to the top of the list of household repairs the second he carted it home. And as is usually the case around our house, this simple replacement job turned into something of a fiasco before all was said and done. ___I don't remember all the correct jargon, so any plumbers who might be reading this column will have to forgive me. All I know is I heard a lot of moaning and groaning once he got the old toilet up. Seems the place where the toilet sits was not placed correctly or at least normally. It was set off-center to accommodate a larger toilet (the original). A consulting trip to Home Depot with more goodies and a possible solution ensued. Then it was on to solution No. 2, which included a new doomaflitcher which he hoped would take care of the problem. After many struggles and muffled noises of frustration, another trip or two to Home Depot, where yet another department now knows us on a first-name basis, he was back to where he started and ready for me to help him put our proud toilet in place. ___We had our first flushing ceremony the next day (after the epoxy dried on the cracked tank). ___They say all's well that ends well. If that's true, we've turned a new page on happy endings at our house. ___

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