October 21, 2002
DOWN HOME:
She's at school; memory lingers
___Sunday morning, 8:35--I step into the shower and feel the force of luxurious hot water. Plenty of hot water. And for a second there, I wonder if I'm going to start crying faster than the flow of the shower.
___Tuesday afternoon, 5:53--Hungry for a pre-dinner snack, I open the pantry door, spy a jar of peanuts, open the lid and feel a crushing lonesomeness as the aroma wafts to my nose.
___Thursday evening, 9:15--We need a gallon of milk, so I climb in Joanna's car, back straight down the driveway and then pull over in the alley to remember where I'm going.
MARV KNOX
Editor
___Saturday afternoon, 4:21--Folding the last towel in a load of clean clothes, I realize I didn't dispose of a hairball the size of a small rabbit, and I long for the "good ol' days."
___Am I going crazy? Let's don't get into that debate. Let's just say I'm still coping with the absence of Lindsay, our oldest daughter, who started college this fall.
___Children grow up and go away, but their memories sneak up on you.
___Lindsay's been gone for two months, and I'm still surprised by the occasions that cause me to miss her acutely.
___Who knew I'd ever miss her on a Sunday morning while hurrying to get ready for church? But before Lindsay went off to college, I always was fourth in line behind three females (including her mama and her sister, Molly) to take a shower. I never had enough hot water on Sunday. I thought I'd enjoy a hot shower on Sunday, but when I remember why I now have hot water, a steaming shower isn't so, well, hot.
___And Lindsay loves peanuts. We kept peanuts in the house mostly because she likes to snack on them in the afternoon. The first time I opened that jar, the thing I suddenly craved was not a handful of nuts, but a hug from my kid.
___I don't know how many times I griped when I used to back around Lindsay's old sedan at the end of the driveway. But now that it's not there, I don't miss the car so much as the empty space reminds me how much I miss the girl who drives it. Same with those infernal hairballs, which are smaller and less frequent now that our thick-haired shedder is gone. I don't miss them, but I sure miss her.
___Friends told Jo and me that we'd adapt when our daughters started going off to school. They were right. Neither Jo nor I have cried at night in quite awhile. And Lindsay's obvious happiness at Hardin-Simmons University, our alma mater, is salve for our souls.
___But in a way I didn't anticipate, I appreciate those painful moments when I miss Lindsay. They remind me how greatly God has blessed Jo and me with parenthood.
___And they remind me to enjoy these days with Molly. After all, she leaves for college in only two years and 10 months.
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