Some online dating services have found religion

November 11, 2002

Some online dating services have found religion
___By John Zukowski
___Religion News Service
___WASHINGTON (RNS)--Dating services not only have gone digital, but some of the Internet versions have found religion as well.
___These sites want potential users to know they're not the cyber equivalent of a singles bar. Nor are they places for liars, losers and worse.
___"The first thing people used to think of when you said 'Internet dating' was hatchet murderer," acknowledged Marilyn Warren, media representative for the eharmony.com dating site.
___Along with favorite foods and hobbies, Christian singles using Internet services reveal information such as "Favorite book of the Bible," "Level of church activity" and "When I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior."
___Jewish sites tell how often singles attend a synagogue or post responses to essay questions like "What does being Jewish mean to you?" and "What's your favorite Scriptural passage?"
___About 22 percent of single adults are looking for a partner online, and about 53 percent of those are looking for a serious relationship or marriage, according to an American Demographics study.
___That matches what Lehigh University social psychology professor Robert Rosenwein says is a rising trend.
___"It used to be that people went to these sites looking for a date, but now some people are going there to look for a deeper

relationship," he said.
___And many of those singles are looking for partners with similar spiritual values.
___"One of the things I kept doing was falling into relationships, and then it hit me one day that the best way to find a person is to know what I was looking for, so I literally made a list of qualities I was looking for," explained Joicy Becker-Richards, minister at Second Presbyterian Church in Oxford Township, Pa. "Then when I looked at the list of qualities like integrity and trust, I realized they described values we hold special as Christians."
___So how do you find someone who is like-minded spiritually? That's where those Internet sites come in.
___They remove a problem some singles face--a small pool of potential local partners. The small circle of people in a church, synagogue, workplace or neighborhood may not offer many choices. The Internet expands that circle.
___Even the Internet's popular matchmaker.com is absorbing the spiritual singles trend. The company offers separate sites for Christians (christian.matchmaker.com), Catholics (catholic. matchmaker.com), Mormons (lds.matchmaker.com) and Jews (jewish.matchmaker.com).
___"For a lot of people, religion is a deal breaker," said Matchmaker spokeswoman Stacy Finkeo. "So we had many requests from customers to set up sites for people with whom religion was important."
___At the many Christian dating sites, the intensity of religious connection varies. Some sites are evangelical with prayer groups and biblical commentary. Other Christian sites promise "no rhetoric" and instruct singles to head straight for dating partners.
___Probably the most serious-minded of the religious-based Internet sites is eharmony.com. Started by Focus on the Family-approved author Neil Clark Warren, it has a complex questionnaire singles must fill out that usually takes an hour or two.
___Site operators then screen the applicants and turn people away if they feel the singles aren't ready for a commitment to marriage. They insist on five communications before singles exchange a photo.
___The site lists 29 elements essential to a relationship and insists singles compile lists of "must haves" and "can't stands." The ultimate goal is to find a lifelong match.
___"There was an assessment that said devout Christians were getting as many divorces as everyone else," Marilyn Warren said. "Maybe something the church has done is encourage people to get married too quickly or too young. Some Christians may think God is sending someone to them when they see someone and their heart goes pitter-patter. But that doesn't mean they should get married."
___Not every religious single subscribes to Internet dating.
___Gus Rosario, president of the Christian Singles Network at First Baptist Church in Bethlehem, Pa., says he prefers looking for love offline. He'd rather look locally and spend time with the church's 300-member singles group, which frequently gathers for activities.
___But whether looking offline or online, he said it's worth taking the time to find someone with similar spiritual values.
___"It's No. 1 for me," he said. "If we don't have a very similar understanding and similar level of spirituality, there's going to be conflict."

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