November 11, 2002

Foster parents take the blues out of black and white barriers
___By Russ Dilday
___Buckner News Service
___BEAUMONT--"The first two months, I didn't like you. The next two months, I liked you. The next two months, you were my friend."
___Those words, written by 11-year-old Terra, hold a special meaning for Buckner foster parent Ellinor Nixon-Benton. They are in a note penned to her by her foster daughter just days before being reunited with her mother by Child Protective Services.
___Nixon-Benton finds in these words an affirmation of a six-month journey as a foster parent for Terra and her three brothers, as well as an affirmation

AS FOSTER PARENTSs, Ellinor Nixon-Benton and Arthur Benton have stayed in close contact with Dawn Rainwater, mother of Jeremy, 7, Blake, 9, Terra, 11, and Micah, 13. Although some of the children came into the Benton home with racial prejudices, those walls have crumbled as they have found the love and care they need to get their family back on track. (Scott Collins/Buckner Photos)

of the foster parenting efforts she and her husband, Arthur Benton, have made since 1995.
___The letter illustrates the progress the four siblings made since coming to the Nixon-Benton home six months before. They moved from distrust, fear and even suicidal feelings to trust, happiness and love.
___Terra, along with Jeremy, 7, Blake, 9, and Micah, 13, were placed into the care of Child Protective Services "because of the neglect of mom and physical abuse," explained Buckner caseworker Monocra Burroughs.
___The Benton family was chosen for their foster care because they are a therapeutic foster family, able to care for children with extensive or serious emotional or physical needs. The situation is unique because Nixon-Benton worked personally with the children's mother, Dawn Rainwater, to achieve a faster, smoother reunification.
___"Ellinor has opened up her home for family visits, parenting classes, cooking, homework with the kids, and Dawn has come in and was able to cook and to help the kids with washing and with homework," Burroughs said. "Emotionally, Ellinor has been a very strong support system for Dawn and has motivated and encouraged her with her parenting skills.
___"She also encouraged the kids to love their mom and to work with their mom for reunification as well, because when we got the kids, there was a lot of anger towards mom, but we resolved that along with therapy and spending more time with mom."
___Nixon-Benton wanted to make Rainwater "feel comfortable with where her children were and not to be overly concerned, because I know she had a lot of other things she had to deal with. I wanted to make it as easy for her as possible and know the plan was to get them back home."
___"Ellinor made me feel comfortable by letting me come into their foster home and spend time with them here," Rainwater concurred. "I've made the transition from not having them at all to seeing them every two weeks, then getting to see them every week in the environment they're staying in."
___Although Rainwater said the children have come to love the Bentons, she admits there were >some adjustments to make. Rainwater and her children are white; the Bentons are black.
___"They're settled more now, but my kids really didn't like black people," she said. "It wasn't because of me, because I see no difference, but some of the things they had been told by their ex-stepdad, ... you know, they didn't really have a high regard for other people."
___Nixon-Benton's remedy was simple. "I have a standard as a foster parent: I go do the things I did with my children. I discipline the same way I did with my children. We have respect for each other and them and we expect the same thing from them. We all go to church."

DAWN RAINWATER embraces her daighter, Terra, on a visit to her children's foster home.

___That church is Victory to Victory Fellowship, a predominantly black, non-denominational congregation.
___Likewise, Benton is involved in reaching out to the children as a foster father. The transmission shop owner often has one of the boys at the shop with him.
___"The boys like to go to the shop and hang out," he said. "They like to harass me, and I don't say too much, but they have their fun at it. I let them do it, because I know they need it."
___"And they come home dirty, dirty," Nixon-Benton interjected.
___"But they need that, though," he countered. "They really enjoy hanging out with me at the shop. Even some of the girls want to, and I tell them, 'Now, that's not for girls, that's for the boys,' but still they want to, and that's the thing, that when the kids want to stay with you, want to follow you around, that's when you know you're doing something.
___"You have to bring in lots of things as far as I'm concerned," he said. "You have to bring love, understanding. Those are the main two things that you need, along with being able to ascertain any problems that kids might have, and try to work with them and work them out.
___With reunification just around the corner, Rainwater and her children are ready for a new start.
___"It makes me ecstatic," Rainwater said. "I'm excited because I'm just so ready for them to come home. I miss my babies. I know it's going to be tough. I know it's going to be tough to get the schedules down again and everything back on track the way it's supposed to be, but like Mrs. Ellinor was saying, they have calmed down a lot, and I noticed that when I had them for my weekend last weekend, they did really good. We only had one mishap, but they did really good."
___"I really do want to go home," Micah interjected, "because I miss living there. I miss my personal belongings. I miss my cats, and I miss my computer. But I will also miss here. They make it a home. It's everything that I need except for my real mom."

___ For more information about becoming a foster parent, call Buckner Children and Family Services at (214) 321-4530 in North Texas; (409) 866-0976 in Southeast Texas; (903) 757-9383 in Northeast Texas; or (806) 795-7151 in West Texas.
___



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