God is the Giver of all good things, including sex

September 23, 2002

BaptistWay Bible Study for Texas lesson for Oct. 6

God is the Giver of all good things, including sex

_1 Corinthians 7:1-17, 25-35
___¹Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. ²But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. ³The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. ⁴The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. ⁵Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ⁶I say this as a concession, not as a command. ⁷I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. ...
___¹²To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. ¹³And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. ¹⁴For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
___¹⁵But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. ¹⁶How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
___¹⁷Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. ...
___²⁵Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. ²⁶Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. ²⁷Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. ²⁸But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
___²⁹What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; ³⁰those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; ³¹those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
___³²I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please the Lord. ³³But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world--how he can please his wife-- ³⁴and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband. ³⁵ I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

_____By Michael Chancellor
___Reading Scripture while taking the pulse of our time reminds one how much today shadows first century Corinth. The re-founding of Corinth by Julius Caesar in 44 B.C. meant Paul entered a strategic commercial seaport less than 100 years old.
___Yet as he preached Christ, he did so in a society pulsating with the rabid pursuit of wealth, every kind of sensual pleasure and the benefits of competing philosophies and religions. Corinth, like many communities in Texas, was a place where worlds collided. The secular world view and the Christian world view met in the congregation at Corinth, much like it does in many of our churches today.
___New believers brought to the church their confused understandings and practices about nearly everything. Like a 1st century Bangkok, Corinth was well known for its immorality and vice. New believers were coming to Christ out of various sexual understandings and experiences. The predominately Gentile Corinthian church was without a background in Jewish moral law and practices.
___This confusion and lack of moral roots seemed to be at the core of Paul's teaching on marriage and sex. Gordon Fee hypothesizes some new converts to Christ actually turned away from all sexual activity, including with a spouse.
___From our text, we learn some vital principles about sex and Christian marriage.
___Sexual relations in Christian marriage
___Sexuality in Christian marriage is a central feature of a healthy relationship. Our text identifies five principles for believers:
___ Sex is a normal, vital part of marriage. Today, like ancient Corinth, the culture hosts many confusing sexual codes of ethics.
___Even in the church, members hold views of sex in marriage on a continuum. On one extreme is the notion that sexual activity has nothing to do with one's relationship to God or marriage, so one is free to participate in sexual relationships outside of marriage. The other extreme on the continuum is the idea that sex may be an evil desire that is to be avoided at all costs. For these persons, celibacy even in marriage is desirable. Verse 5 gets to the heart of the biblical teaching: Sex in marriage is normal and healthy and is a feature of Christian marriage. Marriages without a sexual relationship are atypical and perhaps destined for trouble.
___ Sex in marriage should be mutually satisfying (v. 3). Scripture draws a picture of a relationship where both enjoy and benefit from the sexual relationship. A husband needs to learn how to understand his wife's intimacy needs and seek to fulfill them. In the same way, the wife should understand and meet the sexual needs of her husband.
___The sexual act means something different for each. Many women enjoy the closeness, the touching, the emotional connection sexual activity can facilitate. However, if the only time the couple has time together is in the bedroom, she may not find the sexual relationship satisfying.
___If bedroom foreplay consists of family chaos, tension, arguing and stress, sex may not mean much to the woman. It could, in fact, be self-deprecating and emotionally troublesome. Additionally, women who have been sexually molested as children may have great difficulty in sexual functioning. This is important news to couples, since the latest statistics indicate that in our culture one in five or one in four women have experienced some kind of sexual harassment or abuse.
___When I visit with couples who are approaching marriage, I share with them a vision for sex in Christian marriage. I suggest the wife can teach the husband the acquired taste for snuggling, closeness, cuddling and emotional intimacy and vulnerability. The husband can teach the wife the acquired taste for sexual desire, physical pleasure and sexual release. Over time, as couples mature, they meet in the middle and find a satisfying, God-honoring, shared sexual experience in marriage.
___ A healthy sexual relationship in marriage can be a hedge against sexual temptation outside the home (v. 2). It is hard to imagine a time of greater access than today to sexual immorality. The advent of the Internet brings the opportunity of pornography into every home where there is an Internet-connected computer. All forms of pornography are destructive intrusions into the exclusive marital relationship. Today, we also must be on guard against unhealthy friendships with members of the opposite sex that can grow up when marriages struggle. Emotionally intimate relationships with the opposite sex shadowing a cooling marital relationship are preludes to disaster.
___ Sexual relationships outside marriage are inherently immoral. This cannot be stated more simply or forcefully. This chapter is not a complete theology of sex for the Christian. Rather, it addresses issues that were put to Paul by the folks in Corinth. Within the context of marriage, any sexual activity outside the marriage is immoral.
___Today, nothing has changed. Christian marriage is an exclusive fence that must exclude all but the couple. There should be no other (with a different person or object) intimate relationship that replicate any feature of marital intimacy.
___Even though most therapists recognize that addictive sexual behavior is not primarily about a lack of sexual vitality in the marriage, such behavior destroys the trust and intimacy in the marriage. If a husband is addicted to pornography, the core issues that reinforce the addiction are often about his stress and self-esteem. When the wife discovers the husband's problem, she will feel the anguish and pain as an infidelity.
___ Marriage gives each partner sexual duties and rights best expressed as mutual submission and service. This is one of the great paradoxes of Christian discipleship. When Scripture tells us Christ expects us to do our "duty," such rights cannot be demanded of another person without creating resentment and bitterness. Many husbands have pressed their wives to fulfill their "duty" in the bedroom only to see grow up between them an icy, bitter silence over the years. Duty is best laid on oneself. The husband sets a course to understand and minister to the sexual needs of his wife. The wife sets a course of understanding and ministering to the sexual needs of her husband. That is the essence of doing one's duty.
___These principles guide believers through the toxic sexual temptations of the present times. Paul's acknowledgment of the place of sexual relations within Christian marriage is a reminder that God is Giver of good and perfect gifts. To the human need of loneliness, God has given the good gift of marriage. This gift is not just about a companionship across the years of our earthly pilgrimage; it is also about an intimacy--a vital connection that joins two people spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and sexually.
___The gift of singleness
___Some read 1 Corithians 7 as a monograph by Paul on the undesirability of marriage. Nothing could be further from the truth. Paul does, however, acknowledge that some people may possess the gift of singleness (v. 7). What does this passage teach us about the gift of singleness? Simply put, singleness is a gift not given to all. With the gift comes the capacity to live a chaste, fulfilled life without a marriage partner and the family. Singleness because of circumstances is not the same thing as the gift of singleness. The teaching of this section includes three critical ideas about this gift:
___ One senses the single life is God's will. Whenever Paul speaks of gifts, he points to the Holy Spirit who gifts in ways that conform to kingdom purposes. So the gift of singleness is a gift placed by God upon his or her life. One turns to God for the power to live a chaste life. Paul's counsel may seem stark to some (v. 8).
___ Single life is not permission to be sexually active while abstaining from the entangling commitments of marriage. The culture has always exalted such behavior as a bachelor life or, in these politically correct times, bachelorette life. The avoidance of marriage is not the focus of the gift of singleness. Rather, it is a person living a righteous and holy life by the Holy Spirit, not succumbing to sexual temptation.
___ One finds fulfillment in life in places other than in the relationship of marriage or in the family that marriage often brings. For Paul, his lack of marriage left him free to devote all his energy and focus on the kingdom calling upon his life. The Apostle saw where this could be a good thing.
___The single life should be an option in the Christian community that does not subject the person to questions and suspicion. It is not everyone's calling. Yet some may find their lives profoundly fulfilled without that relationship. What the Scripture teaches could be summed up in this way, "While all may not need marriage to live a full and meaningful life, all need Christ for such a life."
___Sex in marriage is like the carefully controlled current of water turning the turbines that generate the electricity that lights our world. Used as God intended, sex is creative and joyful. When it breaks out of the boundaries of a healthy marriage, it is like raging, flooding currents destroying everything and everyone in its path.
___Michael Chancellor is pastor of Crescent Heights Baptist Church in Abilene

Questions for thought and discussion
___ The culture of Corinth was a mixture of Greek and Roman understanding as well as the influence of other Mediterranean religions and philosophies. What are some ideas about sex and sexual behavior in your community?
___ Within your church, what are some of the beliefs you have heard expressed about sex outside of marriage, sex in marriage, husband and wife roles in marriage, singleness and celibacy? Do you believe these are biblical beliefs or cultural beliefs? For example, in Roman culture men and women were told to avoid sexual immorality, but women were more severely chastised. Do you see any double standards regarding sexuality in your church?
___ How might a husband or wife set about to fulfill their marital duty in a positive way?
___ How is Christian sexual behavior modeled in your home. Is there more that could be done to help children grow up with healthy beliefs and standards about sexuality?
___ How does your church assist the family in teaching and promoting healthy biblical views of sexuality? How does your church help persons heal from the brokenness of sexual trauma/addiction/abuse?
___ What is your attitude toward persons who have never married? How might your church become a better family for singles God entrusts to your fellowship?

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