April 29, 2002

BUCKNER ADOPTION:
In the arms of love
___By Russ Dilday
___Buckner News Service
___BOOKER--Harrison Grey Preston Kaufman is a huge name for someone so small. But if his parents could have put all their love for him in

JOHN KAUFMAN kisses his adopted son Harrison. After a series of disappointments, frustrations and sessions in prayer, Kaufman and his wife Susie received the go-ahead from Buckner Adoption & Maternity Services to take Harrison home.

a name, it would have been a lot bigger.
___The things John and Susie Kaufman, who adopted Harrison in December, went through to complete his adoption are a testament to their love for him as well.
___It was love for their 8-year-old son, Luke, that first drove the couple to seek adoption. Both loved children, both had come from large families and wanted Luke to grow up loving a brother or sister.
___But Mrs. Kaufman had juvenile diabetes and almost died bearing Luke. "We tried again to have kids, but the doctors said no."
___Ten years ago, before Luke's birth, they had started the process to adopt. They were living in Florida, where John was stationed in the military.
___"We had two little 18-month-old girls, twins, that the adoption agency was fixing to place in our home, and we were ready," Mrs. Kaufman explained. "We had the nursery ready, everything ready, when all of a sudden an aunt came out of nowhere and said, 'No, I'm taking them.'"
___Disappointed, the couple gave up on adoption and, in the meantime, had Luke. It was not until they considered Luke's need for a sibling, Kaufman retired from the Air Force and the family had moved to Booker that they again considered adoption in September 2000.
___They immediately looked to Buckner Adoption & Maternity Services.
___"My dad is a Baptist preacher," Mrs. Kaufman explained. "Buckner was a natural choice."
___But the couple still had plenty of things to go through for love. "The biggest obstacle for us was the distance," said Kaufman, who is principal at Booker High School.
___Located in the Panhandle, Booker is 10 miles from the Oklahoma border, and the nearest Wal-Mart is 47 miles away--in Liberal, Kan. Buckner Adoption & Maternity Services, based in Dallas, is an eight-hour drive.
___"We went to the seminars, and we really did have some reservations about an open adoption, just like everyone else does, but I wouldn't trade it for the world now, knowing what I know," he said. "We started all the paperwork and everything and finally got to the point where we finished our profile in the spring of 2001, so we were in the book for about six months."
___"The book" is crucial to the Buckner adoption process. In open adoptions, birth families choose prospective adoptive parents from a profile kept at the Buckner adoption offices.
___The profiles, prepared by the adoptive families, share their lives with those who are seeking placement for their birth children.
___"The book" is one of two familiar terms to many prospective adoptive parents. The other is "the call," meaning the emotional moment when a Buckner adoption counselor calls to tell them they have been chosen for adoption.
___The Kaufmans received their call from Buckner adoption counselor Adrienne Sittig Sept. 24.
___"Luke and I were out at soccer practice 17 miles away when Susie gets the call," Kaufman recalled. "She immediately drove out."
___She picks up the story: "I can't say a word. I'm crying. I was terrified."
___He read her emotions in a different way: "The first thing I thought was that someone passed away, you know, a family member. When I saw her, she looked white as a ghost and she couldn't talk. When she called me over and told me the news, we

THE KAUFMAN FAMILY--John, Susie, Luke & Harison--poses together at their home in Booker, located in the Texas Panhandle.

both were speechless."
___Their Buckner counselor told the Kaufmans to wait for a call from the birthmother that evening. When it came, there was an immediate bond between the family and the birthmother, Kaufman said. "What basically attracted her to us was a mutual association with the military. That's really what opened the door for us. We went down to Buckner and visited
with her for several days and just had some really great visits, really a good time."
___Another attraction was that the Kaufmans are a couple. "She was raised without parents, and I think she wanted a two-parent family," Kaufman said. "She came from a hard background, very hard; she was raised in children's homes and then by her grandmother."
___At that point, the adoption process looked great. "She had already made her mind up," Mrs. Kaufman said. "Everything was set, and they called us and said: 'The baby's coming. Get on down here.'"
___The Kaufmans drove 12 hours to meet little Harrison.
___But then the process became turbulent, testing the bounds of what the Kaufmans would be willing to do for love.
___"Everything's wonderful, and then suddenly, friends and family began to pledge their support for the birthmother to parent," she explained. While the birthmother struggled with her decision, the Kaufmans anxiously waited in a hotel room "We're in a hotel waiting for her to call us and tell us to come and start the entrustment ceremony," she said. "We wait and nobody calls all day long. We knew something had gone wrong. We were crying. We were heartbroken."
___They returned to Booker without Harrison, but with hope.
___"We prayed, 'God, if this baby isn't the one, we still know you are in charge,'" Mrs. Kaufman said. "I grew up as a preacher's daughter, (her parents are Ruth and Darius McKay, longtime pastor of Trinity Baptist Church in Wichita Falls) and somebody would always come to the door on a Saturday night and say, 'Brother McKay, we don't have any money for our baby's food.' He would give them $20, which was what we spent in groceries back then. At times that was all we had, but God would always provide for us, and it was exactly the amount that he had given--always. I was raised with that kind

MRS. KAUFMAN and baby in the nursery.

of faith.
___"I never questioned God," she continued. "I didn't ask why. I wondered if maybe God had another baby and the birthmother needed this."
___During those dark days, Buckner staff members provided comfort for the couple, as did members of First Baptist Church of Perryton.
___"They've done a lot of things for us," Kaufman said. "We weren't just John and Susie Kaufman trying to adopt a child. They knew us personally. ... They laughed with us. They cried with us.
___"It helped knowing that it's a God-centered organization," he continued. "They are going to pray about situations just like we pray about situations. We know Buckner was praying. It's nice to know that not just you, not just your church, not just your relatives and friends, but you've got the organization that you're going through that is praying for guidance and direction and hope."
___After a month, the family had come to accept that Harrison would not be a long-term part of their lives. But then, on the same day, life changed again.
___"My mother called and said, 'Susie, I was praying for Harrison this morning and God told me not to give up on him,'" Mrs. Kaufman explained. "I said, 'Mom, you have got to quit this. God has the right baby for us and it'll be at the right time."
___Later that day, though, she received a phone call from the birthmother: "Susie, I've changed my mind. ... Because of my love and dreams for Harrison, I want the very best for him."
___The couple was shocked. "I think we both had given up," he said.
___After contacting Buckner, the couple made plans for a second trip to Dallas. Doubt made the 12-hour return trip with them.
___"I wanted to call my friends and say, 'Hey, we're going to pick up Harrison,' but I was too afraid now--afraid to get my hopes up; I was scared to death, so I only called maybe two people," Mrs. Kaufman said.
___But they made the trip for love.
___Now, life has changed.
___Luke, for one, has made big plans: "I'm going to teach Harrison how to ride a bike, and I'm going to teach him how to play basketball, and I'm going to teach him how to play catch with our dog, Flash."
___And Kaufman is living up to an agreement he made with his wife prior to the adoption: "I would get up at night with the baby, and she would do the day stuff."
___"I want him to have the best life he can," he said. Getting up in the middle of the night, "is just one of the things you do out of love."

___

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